This is the life

Merry Christmas

2009-12-25T20:05:00.002+02:00

OK, it's been weeks since my last post and although I've by no means been short on news, I've just been either too busy, not had internet connection or simply didn't know where to start, so I'm taking Xmas as the guide for writing and saying howdy!

Firstly, merry Christmas to all of you out there. I hope you've all had an awesome day and that your tummies are full and your heads slightly spinning... Shit, maybe that only happens if you spend Christmas day lunching on a wine farm.

Anyway, a quick catchup for y'all:

London - Had a great time catching up with friends. Fortunately I missed the really cold weather and snow and overall had a good time. Unfortunately the trip was somewhat marred by the fact that I had the big move on my mind and was very worried about what I was going to come back to in terms of EH making matters difficult for me.

On top of that, SD had to travel back to the Middle East for work, which in turn left me to move both my stuff out of Wisteria Lane and his stuff into the new place, which I will now refer to as Winelands Place (It really does make sense if you know the address...).

So, got back on the Monday and moved on the same day and the following day too. It was totally crazy. In between I 'celebrated' my birthday, although I have to admit it wasn't exactly the best birthday I've ever had, but could've been much worse - I could've been in Wisteria Lane...

It took me a few days to move in and settle down and get back online and then on the Friday I was mad enough to host a braai for about 24 people!! Was nice though, albeit a bit manic.

The last few days have been a bit more chilled. I've been settling into the house a bit, putting things in their place and making it a home for us.

So, the kidlets are doing well. PC is a totally different child. Basically he's his old self again. Loving, kind, sweet, funny and cheeky! He'd become so very withdrawn over the past 2-3 months that it's wonderful seeing him as the boy I know.

MM is her usual self and I'm just pleased that this whole ordeal hasn't had too major an effect on her.

As for EH, there's been a lot of dramas in the past weeks and I just can't be bothered to share all, but you can be assured that he's most certainly going to be giving me a lot more material to write about if he carries on in the same manner as he has done up until now.

Phew, now I've broken the ice again, I'll be back with regular installments of TITL as life goes on.

Madge xx

My last night at Wisteria Lane

2009-12-02T21:09:00.002+02:00

Wow, it's been a long stretch. Many months of dramas, heartache and whatever have you not. I've been officially divorced for almost two months and finally the time has come for me to leave Wisteria Lane.

I've said goodbye to my friends here, who I'll miss dearly. We even opened a bottle of bubbly this afternoon to toast the future. Of course, there are others here who I won't be missing one single bit, but I'm very excited about what the future holds.

Tomorrow is The Fiery One's birthday and she's taken the day off, so we're going out to lunch at one of the local wine farms. Then tomorrow evening it's off to London, which I believe is very cold and wet - surprise, surprise...

I'm looking forward to catching up with all of my friends and perhaps fitting in a spot of Xmas shopping along the way.

Then, as soon as I return back to SA at the end of next week, I move into the new house!! It's all very exciting, although I must admit that it's been really tough putting things aside and deciding what to take and what to leave in a way that's fair to both myself and EH.

He's obsessing about everything and is making me out to be taking everything and leaving him nothing, which is absolute nonsense. He's going out of his way to try and rile and upset me by making silly statements and aggressive comments, but then turning it around to say that I was the one who was being aggressive. Nob.

So, on that note, I reckon the next time I'll be writing from the UK, so I'll keep you posted on my little adventure.

In the spirit of my little trip, I thought I'd share this:
A Scotsman, an Englishman, and an Irishman were drinking together in McSorley's Bar in New York City and having a great St. Patrick's Day.

"Y'know", said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a wee bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink for you."

"Well", said the Englishman, "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two!"

"Ahhhrr, that's nothing", said the Irishman. "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs to see that you get laid. All on the House."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims but he swears every word is true.

"Wow!" said the Englishman, "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not meself, personally, no" said the Irishman, "But it did happen to me Sister.”

Madge

Taking strain

2009-11-29T20:40:00.002+02:00

I'm back at Wisteria Lane for my last little stretch until I move on to better things. Only four more nights here until I depart for a week long trip to London, which I'm very excited about. I've got a fantastic time lined up, meeting up with friends and simply can't wait!

I had a fabulous weekend with SD and Miss T (his daughter). It was fairly busy, yet in a chilled way. Stayed in on Friday night and watched the movie, Bruno. Ummm... interesting...

On Saturday we went to the beach for a bit, visited Mom and I accompanied a friend to a Hawaiian party in the evening.

Today was very relaxed. Went to the gym for a swim, dropped by the annual Toy Run festivities at Maynardville where there were thousands of bikers and I'm sure that many children will get some lovely presents this Xmas thanks to everyone who participated and donated on this day. Finally we had a lovely lunch at Bloemendal Wynhuis before returning to WL.

Even though I always tend to get a little tense come late Sunday afternoons as I know that the time approaches to head back for another week of "What could happen next?", today was somewhat different as it was the last time.

I got back and the kids weren't home. I really missed them all weekend and was a little disappointed, but it's ok, I just unpacked my things and they got home soon enough. It then emerged that they'd spent the afternoon with people I'd befriended through PC's previous play school. I'd often made the effort to ring them up and keep in touch with this particular couple, but I recently had a suspicion that EH had contacted them (most likely because the husband was a potential work contact).

I don't have a problem with EH contacting them, but what I do have a problem with is what he's been saying. Obviously his favorite little 'affair' rumor would be one issue, but I can't help but think that much more has been said for them to have the reaction that they've had.

Last weekend I saw this couple at a kids party and they were VERY distant. Previously the woman was very friendly with me and we got on very well. That weekend it practically pained her to even greet me and I was avoided like the plague for the duration of the party. I soon caught on and when SD reported getting sideways glances from her it pissed me off somewhat.

As I said, I don't mind who EH befriends, but what annoys me is that he's obviously saying pretty nasty stuff about me to make someone turn so harshly, so knowing that they'd all spent the afternoon together really ticked me off.

Fortunately for me, I've got no shortage of friends and even more fortunate, they weren't close. In a way I'm glad EH is making the effort to make friends, in particular with people who've got small kids, so he's at least getting out and socialising in an environment that's fun for my kids too, I simply just don't appreciate his nasty lies to these (and other) people. Mind you, if they want to believe these lies, then I suppose that says a lot about them too!

Anyway, I'm looking forward to a busy week. I need to sort through the final split of stuff and get that finalised for packing, on Tuesday I've got a busy day researching my next story for the online wine mag and in the evening I'm attending and reporting on a photo shoot for an annual photo competition called Wine Laid Bare. Check out their Facebook page here. This is the promotional shoot for their 2010 campaign and it's most certainly going to be an interesting evening, so I'm really looking forward to it and it's all in aid of Breast Cancer, so I'll keep you all up to date with this one as it develops.

Then on Thursday I'm off to the Big Smoke for a week! Yay! So, without any further ado, have a good one.

Madge

Should I or shouldn't I?

2009-11-28T09:02:00.002+02:00

This time it' not about me, but rather others out there who are in a similar position as to the one I was in about a year ago. There are some people who I've had contact with in the last couple of weeks who are in crappy marriages.

Loveless, disrespectful, sexless and abusive unions where one or the other party is too scared to move on due to various reasons. One not wanting to give up the perfect family, the perfect home in the perfect village, except she's so deeply unhappy and has decided that retail therapy would be money better spent than wasting it on unsuccessful visits to a marriage counselor (which has already run into over a 5-figure sum in R's).

The other where the wife is so insanely jealous of her husband, constantly accusing him of having an affair and picking on him for whatever reason she can find. He, on the other hand, simply can't bear the thought of being 'alone' again.

A third whose husband is ruled by the bottle and every now and again gets a smack along with the regular emotional abuse of being told how fat, ugly, useless and what a waste of space she is. Again, the 'perfect' life, driving a german sedan, a large house and exotic holidays taking precedence over the fact that she's half the person she used to be, lacks confidence and is in an emotional rut.

There are countless people out there in similar positions to these people. Men and women trapped in unhappy relationships, who simply can't face taking the step of ending things.

I know that these people read TITL and though I hope you're not upset about my using you as examples, I just want to say to all of you that I know how you feel. I was once there before. Deciding to leave a life-partner isn't an easy one. For some of us it's simply not an option. Please just know that there will always be people around you who will support you, whatever your decision. Keep your friends and family close and if you decide to stay, then do it for the RIGHT reasons.

If you've got kids, do what's right for them AND for you, because they will soon grow up, leave the house and then you're stuck, having potentially wasted the best years of your life. Also remember that a happy parent and healthy home atmosphere, makes for happy children.

It is also a known fact that it gets harder and harder to leave someone the older you get. Financially you get very settled and one's confidence to go out on the dating scene starts to wane with age.

I'm not saying these marriages can't be saved. I'm all for saving something if there's a chance of things working out.

In short, all I want to say is that I'm thinking of you and hope that everything works out for you all. Stay strong.

Madge

The small stuff

2009-11-24T18:50:00.002+02:00

So, I broached the subject to EH with regards to splitting all of the smaller household items such as crockery, towels, etc. He said to me: "I hope you're going to be fair with this stuff." WTF?!?!?!

Those who know will tell you that I've been incredibly fair with everything from the divorce settlement to the large furniture and appliances and car. When I pointed this out to him he basically snorted at me.

Then he said that he will be ordering a new mirror with exactly the same dimensions as the one I'd had made for the main bedroom three years ago. This is a beautiful large mirror in a custom made frame and the only thing I requested from the main bedroom. I asked him why he doesn't just give me the old one and order his own new version. His reply? "I just want to keep one room complete and not have it devastated due to your antics."

Oh FFS, my antics?! Wake up and take some responsibility for what happened, you nob. It's starting to sink in that this man will forever blame me and the so-called 'affair' I had months after I initiated this divorce. Like with his first marriage, he will tell all the people around him that I had an affair, conveniently omitting the fact that I'd already started divorce proceedings before I went into anything and therefore I will always be the bitch.

For this reason, he will always feel sorry for himself. Now I realise that he is a typical case of someone with "Poor-little-old-me-syndrome". Someone who fucks up time upon time, but doesn't see that it was their own fuck-up, so instead blames the other people involved.

"I was fired and I don't understand why. They must have been jealous." or "She had affairs, even while we were engaged. She said that she wanted to buy a horse with this man." (the ex-ex-wife) and what about "Why does everyone always try to take me for a ride. Even my own brothers shafting me out of a business." I wonder why???

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking responsibility for your actions, or lack of! What pisses me off is that I still have these moments when I feel sorry for him. There are still times when I cry for what could have been or just in general get upset because of all the hurt of the past year. Get a grip, Madge! You're better off without him!

Madge

Getting things done

2009-11-24T08:16:00.002+02:00

I'm now counting down my days at Wisteria Lane and with only 9 sleeps until I'm out, it's both exciting and very sad. I first have a little trip to London planned for a week (leaving on the 3rd of December) and then moving into the new place upon my return.

The past weekend was really lovely. The new BF, hereafter referred to as SD (Saturation Diver), got back from his last job last week and we spent the weekend together along with my kids and his lovely daughter and it was really nice.

This week I'm sorting out a lot of stuff for the move. Going through what I'm going to take and what I'm going to leave. It's all a bit tedious as it's not as simple as just packing everything up from one end to the other. Obviously I'll be leaving some toys for the kids to play with when they're visiting EH and it's things like splitting crockery, etc.

Anyway, I need to get on with things, so ta-ra!

Madge

The airport

2009-11-20T09:54:00.002+02:00

I had to make a couple of trips to the airport this week and at one point, while sitting there having a coffee, I was struck by a memory.

A memory of all of the times I drove EH to the airport when he travelled to the UK for work. I remembered the sadness I felt on the times when I dropped him off, not knowing when I'd be seeing him again, but also knowing that this was what had to be done.

I knew it wasn't easy for him. Leaving his home, his kids, his wife.

I remembered the times when I was so excited to pick him up. To see him again, for him to see his kids.

I also remembered the last time I dropped him off at the airport. On the 24th of January this year. I remember driving there and knowing in the back of my mind that things would never be the same again. I wasn't sad to say goodbye. Instead, I was relieved that he was leaving.

Relieved that I could have some peace. Some space to get my head around what was lying ahead of me. To finally make up my mind about what I wanted and needed to do with my life. I knew it was over.

I'm actually sitting here and crying as I type this. I still have moments when I'm so overwhelmed by sadness at what has happened. And the memories that returned to me this week at the airport have reminded me yet again of what was and what could have been if only he'd tried. But I wasn't worth it...

Madge

Go lurgy, go!

2009-11-18T08:19:00.002+02:00

This stupid coldy fluiness seems to finally be going although I still sound pretty yuk. The sun is shining and actually, life isn't quite that bad!

Actually there's something I'd like to note. I know I've been airing a lot of dirty washing on here and it can seem like a very one-sided story, however it's worth mentioning that there is so much that goes unsaid on here. Lots of shit that happens that I can't add because of what it could implicate in turn.

It might also look as if I'm constantly critisizing EH for his behaviour and things he does or says, but please also know that the same is happening from his side. Even though he's not expressing his thoughts and feelings in blog format, he's happily telling all and sundry his side (albeit a very skewed version). These stories have a way of making it back to me and I am well aware of his opinions of what I get up to on my weekends away or my notorious 'affair'.

So, now I've cleared that one up, I thought it worth sharing a funny:

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc?...I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé is still a virgin, in every way".

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art.

The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts.

She says, "You're the first... no one has EVER touched these."

He immediately drops his pants and replies…

Look at this,...still in the CRATE!"

Madge

Now it's groceries!

2009-11-16T19:33:00.002+02:00

I was happily minding my own business, when the voice of gloom (EH) comes from the kitchen: "It's your turn to buy groceries". It would seem that he missed the full fridge last week. He'd never notice all of the washing powder, bleach, cleaning goodies and the nappies I bought that was on his list from three weeks ago, that he very conveniently forgot to buy along with a couple of other more expensive items or any other everyday items such as meat and veg...

The deal is we take turns to buy groceries. I gave him a list three weeks ago, which he only got round to buying the following weekend without checking what additional items might have been added to a new list on the fridge in the five days since he was given a list.

So, last week was my turn again and I went out and bought all of the things on the list (now 2 weeks old) along with other extras. I had to buy nappies along the way too as we'd run out.

The more I kept telling this idiot that it was in fact his turn, the more he insisted it was mine! I honestly cannot believe his insolent and abhorrent behaviour... Mind you, actually I can.

To make matters worse, I find out from a neighbor that Prince Charming knocked on their door yesterday at roughly 10:00 - this on a Sunday morning. They don't have a problem with PC playing there as they enjoy him a lot and he's no trouble, however, it turns out that he was left to play there for the ENTIRE day and only went home after 17:00 when they asked him to. At no stage during this day did EH pop over to check that PC was indeed there still, that he was ok, that they were ok having him all of this time or even to come home for lunch! He obviously just accepted that these people would feed and water his child.

And then I'm the one being told I'm a bad mother. I'm the one who gets slagged off left right and centre because I apparently only party all the time and have affairs. Thankfully I'm not going to be in this house for much longer and neither are my children. Unfortunately for now I have to hand my children over to this man every second weekend, but I'm quite grateful for this kind of behaviour as he's practically handing me the sole custody on a silver platter! Mind you, maybe that's what he wants. Your wish is my command!

Madge

Winds of change

2009-11-16T08:27:00.003+02:00

It seems like the sun is finally back in Cape Town, although with it has come the usual winds that I've grown used to expecting around this time of year. The traditional south-easterly wind that's also known as the Cape Doctor, because it blows all of the pollution away, can also please blow all of the negativity away in my life.

This week should be a good and busy one if I can just get over this nasty cold I picked up. I was sick as a dog all weekend long. Had a lovely evening with one of my girlfriends who's also currently dealing with a divorce and went to a very chilled 40th birthday dinner too although I wasn't exactly feeling on top form whatsoever.

Went to the movies yesterday with Mom as she had a show house on, so we saw The Ugly Truth and had a really good chuckle. I've never really been a fan of Katherine Heigl, but I thought she was really good in this film and she reminds me of Charlize Theron, who is my favorite actress.

Katherine Heigl

The stunning South African bombshell, Charlise Theron

The movie highlights what men want from their dates and vice versa and shows Heigl almost changing her personality to catch Mr. Right. Compromise is one thing, but changing who you are is such a big mistake that so many people make when they first start dating as they try to be someone who they're not, only to make the other person like them.

Firstly it will never last and secondly, why would you want someone to like you for who you aren't? If they can't like you for who you are then simply accept it's not to be and move on. We're all different, have different traits and ideas about life and even though nobody's perfect and there will probably always be something that mildly irritates you about a partner, it's unfair and unrealistic to accept them to change, just as it is of them to expect that of you.

It's a matter of either accepting someone and loving them for who they are or calling it a day and moving on to someone who shares your sense of humor, enjoys what you do and views life issues in a similar light.

Don't ever change who you are for anybody. Just be yourself and the right person will come along to boost and enhance you for who you are.

Madge

Another week closer to moving out

2009-11-13T09:30:00.003+02:00

Well, fortunately this week has been rather uneventful on the EH front, although not without it's stresses. I've had a little argument with TFO, which is never nice, but she was way out of order with what she said to me, so not good.

EH also finally sent me signed agreements with regards to the car which he's buying me out of and all of the furniture and appliances we're splitting.

I've also got something very exciting to look forward to for early next week, so things seem to be looking up.

Until then, however I'm going to have to sit tight. I was slightly upset this morning when I got a phone call from someone voicing their concern about PC. Not that he's been difficult or naughty, but that he's become very introverted and isn't his usual bubbly, happy self.

I know this is true. He has withdrawn quite a lot with other people and it's really sad to see. All I can hope for is that he will revert back to his old self once we're in our new home without any atmospheres and dramas. It is inevitable that he would sense what is going on and even though there haven't been any major dramas in the house for a couple of weeks, the atmosphere can be sliced it's so thick.

Anyway, not long now.

As you know, I'm a HUGE fan of the American talent show, So You Think You Can Dance and have previously posted a clip here of a dance on addiction. This week's episode had yet another amazingly moving number, this time danced by Adé and Melissa and choreographed by Tyce Diorio. The story this time is about a woman's struggle with breast cancer. All of the judges were in tears and most of the audience. Needless to say, so was I. An amazingly moving piece and fantastic interpretation.

In recent weeks I've learnt of two people who I know, to be afflicted with this disease. One has already had her operation to have a lump removed last week and the other is due to go in on Monday for her full mastectomy.

To both of these brave ladies all I want to say is stay strong. There are people who love and support you and we are all right behind you with your fight and won't ever drop our weapons. I have sent up special prayers for you both. It certainly makes one realise that what you've got isn't quite that bad after all.

Nudity

2009-11-11T20:46:00.003+02:00

People have varying opinions on nudity and their bodies. It's funny, just this morning we were talking about it at my yoga class and were saying that there are apparently people who do nude yoga classes. Personally I can't imagine that as I'd be laughing so much and even more so, would in no way get into some of the positions in the nude in front of complete strangers.

My opinion on nudity is that it's the most natural form for a human being to be in. We've all got jiggly bits (some more than others) and we've all got the same parts of anatomy.

At home I'm very comfortable walking around naked in front of my kids and will continue to do so until one day one of them gets uncomfortable with it, at which point I'll respect that.

I think what's most important is to not have a stigma about our bodies and more specifically, to give our kids body image issues. More and more we hear about little girls aged 9, 10, 11, who are dieting and even becoming anorexic, because of the pressures that society put on us to be physically perfect.

Also, there's the issue of not feeling confident in your own skin. This can also be passed on to kids.

Anyway, what brought this whole subject about is a story I've been asked to write for an annual photo competition. They're doing their promotional shoot and the organiser has asked whether I'd write the story, but also whether I'd like to be part of the whole event.

It's going to be held at a very secluded restaurant and the whole idea is for it to be in the style of Calendar Girls, where certain body parts are obscured by tables, wine bottles and glasses, menus, flowers, etc.

I think this is going to be such a larff! Logistically it could be a nightmare as it would seem there are going to be roughly 30 people in this shoot, but I'm sure it could be stunning if it is done well.

Some may frown upon this and others, like me, will see the potential fun that could be had (and no, I'm not referring to any dodgy orgies or anything sinister like that), wining and dining at one of the top restaurants in the country 'au naturel'. All of the people involved will have been vetted and are professionals who have a little bit of an exciting and daring side to them.

I'll let you know how it went.

Madge

What's in the stars

2009-11-10T07:59:00.003+02:00

I've always had a mild fascination in the stars and signs of the zodiac and I've always been convinced that there are certain genuine character traits within each of the twelve signs that are absolutely true to the person that is being represented.

Except for those who are born on the cusp of a sign - within 2 days of the change of a sign and can represent a mixture of both signs, I also realise that there are further differentiating factors within each sign depending on the actual birth date and what the ruling planet is at that time.

Coming out of a marriage and now moving into a new relationship, it's made me turn to the stars for some guidance.

As born sagittarius, I've researched my character traits according to the stars and I must say, I'm a classic case sag and very proud of it.

The problem I'm having at this point is whether there's much truth in the zodiac compatibilities of the various star signs. Some signs are more compatible than others, i.e. Sagittarius being a fire sign is said to be most compatible with Leo and Aries (also fire signs).

I know one shouldn't base any major decision making on this kind of thing, but I also know that EH's sign and the sag aren't particularly compatible on a marital level, but is said to be great for friendship and I tend to agree with this. Over and above the issues we've had over the past few months, I've always said that I'm sure we could still be friends. Unfortunately now I'm not sure that would be possible any more given the extent of the situation, but then I've also learned that the saying "Never say never" is very relevant.

I'd love to hear some of your opinions on this matter in the comments section.

Madge

Flutterbyes and relaxation

2009-11-08T18:31:00.002+02:00

I got home a little while ago from what was a really nice and relaxing weekend on The Farm. I drove out there on Friday early evening. Unfortunately shortly after arriving there, I had a phone call from EH, demanding to know where I was. My reply? "Well, you've got a tracking device, why don't you use it?!"

I was only told that I was being silly and stupid and a whole host of other things... As I pointed out though, I've been going away EVERY weekend for the past four months, it's not new, it's not unusual and he should be used to it by now. Furthermore, what I do is none of his business. Whatever!

On Saturday morning The Fiery One and Rabbit left for their wedding and Mom joined me. We went to the Windmeul farmers market, which was nice and then mosied around a bit at Paarl Mall, but the kids were tired and miserable, so we headed home and all ended up having a nice little afternoon snooze.

Today I took the kidlets to Butterfly World and we had a ball. There are all kinds of creatures there over and above the butterflies and the funniest part was when one of the little marmoisettes jumped on me from behind and I let out a loud yelp to the tune of, "OH, FUCK!". Let's just say, I don't think the other parents were too pleased... Oops!

Anyway, back at the farm TFO and Rabbit had returned and we just chilled out.

Now, it's back to reality and life at Wisteria Lane. Let's see what this week holds in store.

Madge

PS: Have I mentioned that I'm moving out?

TFI Friday

2009-11-06T10:18:00.005+02:00

Phew! Another week is gone and I must say it's been an eventful one. This weekend should be chilled. I'm going to The Farm with the kidlets, which should be nice. The Fiery one and Rabbit are going to a wedding in the Elgin valley and have asked me to babysit their kids, the pugs, Mugg and Bean and their ridgeback, Mocha.

Mom's also going to be joining us. We'll probably go to the Windmeul market tomorrow, which has been advertised widely and might just explore some of the local Paarl wineries.

It's a pity the weather forecast for the weekend is a bit grim, but we'll make the most of it none-the-less.

Got this recently from Mister Mutual and like the thinking. It's quite old, but still one of the best advertising wars I've seen -

1. BMW ran this campaign:

2. See Audi's reply:

3. Subaru feel urged to say something:

4. However Bentley's Chairman had the last word:

Have a great weekend!

Madge

The Irish

2009-11-05T08:16:00.002+02:00

Sorry, this one's too good not to share:

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!"

"I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of dem, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

Whaaaaaahahahaha!

Madge

The best time of day

2009-11-05T07:54:00.002+02:00

I'd realised this before, but for some reason it was very poignant yesterday that my favorite time of day is around 7:30 in the morning when I hear EH start up the car to go to work. It's as if a wave of relief sweeps over me because I know there shouldn't be any more confrontation at least until he gets back this evening.

By around 16:30 in the afternoon though, I feel myself tensing up again, wondering what the evening has in store. I have however found a coping mechanism, which I'm hoping will serve me well over the next few weeks. I act as if he's not even here. I don't make eye contact and don't talk to him. Let's see how that works.

On Monday I applied for an interdict (personal protection/restraining order) against him. The fact that he'd admitted to tracking me, him stalking and subsequently harassing me seemed to be ample reason for the judge to grant the application. I just don't understand why he's doing this now. We're divorced! It just makes one wonder what the thinking is behind it all...

Anyway, I saw this clip and simply had to share it, because we've all been in a similar situation, I'm sure.

Pure genius!

Madge

I need some light entertainment

2009-11-03T18:57:00.002+02:00

I've had a crappy day, but ended up with some good results in the end, so I suppose it's not so bad after all. Thought I'd share this funny as it made me smile today and to be honest, there hasn't been a lot to smile about...

It was a hot Saturday evening in the summer of 1960 and Fred had a date with Peggy Sue. He arrived at her house and rang the bell.

'Oh, come on in!' Peggy Sue's mother said as she welcomed Fred in.'Have a seat in the living room. Would you like something to drink?Lemonade? Iced tea?'

'Iced tea, please,' Fred said. Mom brought the iced tea.

'So, what are you and Peggy planning to do tonight?' she asked.

'Oh, probably catch a movie, and then maybe grab a bite to eat at the malt shop, maybe take a walk on the beach...'

'Peggy likes to screw, you know,' Mom informed him.

'Really?' Fred replied; eyebrows rose.

'Oh yes,' the mother continued. 'When she goes out with her friends,that's all they do!'

'Is that so?' asked Fred, incredulous. 'Yes,' said the mother. 'As a matter of fact, she'd screw all night if we let her!'

'Well, thanks for the tip!' Fred said as he began thinking about alternate plans for the evening.

A moment later, Peggy Sue came down the stairs looking pretty as a picture wearing a pink blouse and a hoop skirt, and with her hair tied back in a bouncy ponytail. She greeted Fred.

'Have fun, kids!' the mother said as they left.

Half an hour later, a completely dishevelled Peggy Sue burst into the house and slammed the front door behind her.

'The Twist, Mom!' she angrily yelled to her mother in the kitchen. 'The fV@king dance is called the Twist!

Madge

Fighting fire with fire

2009-11-02T14:43:00.002+02:00

Wow, well, I've had a rather eventful weekend and a subsequently busy Monday. It turns out that EH has now reverted to stalking and harassing me. He's admitted to actually tracking my movements by GPS and I'm still trying to find out whether he's actually tracking my phone or car. He's also taking photos of my movements too.

On Saturday morning he turned up at a friend's house with the kids in tow, sending me a bunch of sms's saying that the kids want to see me etc. and buzzing on the door bell incessantly.

I really think this is bordering on obsessive behaviour and am genuinely concerned at the fact that he's actually dragging the kids along on his little missions and using them. What do you think he's telling them???

I'm very worried about the lengths this man will go to and what he's capable of. Surely the fact that we are now divorced means that my movements have absolutely nothing to do with him? Surely it's illegal to stalk and harass someone and fit a tracking device without their knowledge or consent?

So, I'm now fighting fire with fire. I have to deal with this matter as I can't help but wonder what his next move will be and looking at his history over the past seven months it's not exactly getting any better. Quite the contrary.

Madge

Gravity

2009-10-30T13:57:00.002+02:00

I absolutely love this show called So You Think You Can Dance and am watching the 2009 competition at the moment. These dancers are absolutely amazing. Every week they need to do a different dance in a different genre, mostly out of their specific area of training and have 5 and a half hours to spend with choreographers to learn a new routine for the next show.

Anyway, check out this clip of a contemporary dance by Kayla and Kupono, choreographed by Mia Michaels, who is one of the top (if not THE top) choreographers in the world. The song, Gravity by Sara Bareilles is so stunningly beautiful.

Gives you goosebumps! The emotion is phenomenal.

Madge

Tantrums from adults

2009-10-30T09:45:00.002+02:00

I was invited to one of my neighbors' work function last night. It was themed Octoberfest and was good fun with eisbein, bratwurst, pretzels, some dodgy German music and even authentic Paulaner beer in kegs.

I must admit, I didn't think it was going to be as late as it was, but it was so much fun and after the week I've had, I really needed to let my hair down somewhat.

But what really shocked me was seeing how a successful, intelligent man who must be in his 50's, throw a tantrum over a game of pool! Everyone was having a good time. People were joking around, doing silly things to distract the person who was shooting, but when it was done to him he just totally lost it!

He threw such a strop, if it were a strop-contest between him and either of my kids, he'd win first prize hands down. Hell, I think he'd put most kids to shame!

Anyway, I'm off again to Mom's for the weekend. The weather forecast is beautiful, so I reckon a little trip to the beach will be in order...

Madge

Numbness sets in

2009-10-28T08:54:00.002+02:00

Well, after phoning the mediator yesterday, she contacted EH and apparently he'd told her that he thinks we can sort this out between each other, so her services weren't needed. So, last night EH came to me to have a 'discussion'.

He said he'd been to see both schools in question (I don't actually believe that looking at a website or phoning them is equal to actually visiting the school, talking to teachers, seeing the setup and discussing what they offer) and that he still felt the kids would be fine in the state school. My point was that the state school would indeed be fine, but why send your kids to second best?

Ultimately it came down to his ego and the financial side of things. It kept coming back to that EVERY TIME. I said that if he has any info that would make me believe that the state school would be the better form of education, giving them that one-to-one attention and offers a similar level of services I'd be happy to reconsider.

Then things got nasty, I was again called a host of different names and told amongst other that I was emotionally unstable and that there was something wrong with me because of the way I've been acting. So, leaving your husband to give yourself and your children constitutes being fucked up in the head now? I think it's more a case of STAYING with the bastard that would make one be messed up!

Also, his new favorite phrase of me having an affair and that being the cause of our marriage breaking up was brought up. I reminded him ONCE MORE that our marriage was over in January, that I met this person months after this and even months after that only did I proceed to take things further. I had previously decided that, if he brought it up again, I would have a relevant comeback, which I used rather effectively last night.

So, after all of his shouting, swearing and abusive behaviour, some of which, yet again in front of PC (when I pointed out that he should please stop shouting and swearing at me in front of the child he just proceeded to repeat what he'd just said just to make sure that PC heard what a 'stupid, arrogant bitch' his mom is). Nice!

Now, back to the mediator we go, although I must say I'm totally numb. I'm just so tired and worn out from all of the fighting. I have my moments where I think that I should just relent and let the kids go to the state school, but then I realise that I simply have to fight for them. It's for their future and even if the mediation turns into facilitation and it goes against me, I'll know that I did all I could for my kids, which is what it's all about at the end of the day.

I'd also just like to mention how proud I am of myself for not once raising my voice to him or swearing at him. I swore, but it was never directed at him, more a matter of "Oh for fuck-sake!". Pat-pat...

Madge

Raging storms

2009-10-27T07:48:00.002+02:00

The Cape has been rather stormy over the last couple of days with reports that Sunday night's storm was in fact classified as a hurricane and yesterday afternoon it was haeling balls half the size of golf balls. I almost thought I was somewhere in the highveld!

I think my situation at Wisteria Lane is similar, however it would seem that we're in the eye of the storm.

The atmosphere is as tense as anything and we haven't exchanged a SINGLE WORD since last Friday, however I'm convinced that the storm will pick up again once the mediator gets involved and the winds will pick up again.

I recently got this little piece from The Headhunter and really want to share it as I found it so relevant:

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter..

'Don't forget your sisters,' she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. 'They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need sisters. Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them.'

'Remember that 'sisters' means ALL the women... your girlfriends, your daughters, and al l your other women relatives too....... 'You'll need other women. Women always do.'

What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her mother really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life..

This story continues about women always being there to support each other, but I'd like to take this a little further and include ALL friends. Real friends. Always surround yourself with people who have your best interests in life at hand as these are the people who will be there to support and bless your life when you most need it.

Thanks to all my 'sisters' who've been there for me during all this time. You know who you are!

Madge

Another week, another fight

2009-10-26T08:00:00.002+02:00

I had such a lovely weekend. The kids and I stayed with Mom. We went to the beach on Saturday afternoon, had milkshakes at Spur and generally just had a lot of fun. On Sunday it was Mom's birthday and we all packed up off to The Farm. Mom had invited some of her friends and we had a lovely braai. The kids were playing in the pool for most of the afternoon and were totally bushed by the time we drove home.

The weekend didn't start off on the best of notes though. I'd been looking at schools for Prince Charming and over the last couple of weeks it became an option to send him to one of the local private schools. An excellent school with a British programme. Small classes and individual attention is at the forefront and the most advanced teaching techniques.

I'd spoken to EH about this a week before and explained that I might be able to get PC a place at this school. His first comment was how I was going to afford it and I'd assured him that this was not a concern of his as it wouldn't impact on him financially at all. In our settlement it was agreed that he'd pay me a monthly maintenance for the kids and from that I would be paying any school fees.

The decision wasn't with regards to any financial aspect, but rather just which school would be best for the kids (PC at this stage).

I'd submitted an application form to this private school as they generally have long waiting lists, in the hope that PC might get a place in the Reception class for next year.

Anyway, on Friday morning I had a phone call from the head mistress of the school informing me that they can indeed offer PC a place for next year and that they will put this in writing to me next week.

I subsequently sent EH an email to this effect. Asking him to take a look at the options, thus being the private school versus the local state school. I asked him to consider the benefits to the children and then to get back to me with his opinion and why he felt one school was better than the other, but that I was really keen on the private school.

The reason why I sent him the email was that I knew we wouldn't be home for the rest of the weekend to discuss, but I told him I'd be happy to discuss it on Sunday night upon my return. It would give him time to think about it logically. BIG mistake!!

Shortly after sending the email, I get a phone call from EH. He was fuming!! He was so very angry about this and proceeded to swear and shout at me about it. Five times I had to put the phone down on him because he was ranting and raving so much and I refuse to have any such conversations. I don't mind having a calm and rational discussion.

In the end he was just saying that PC should go to the state school. I think what annoyed him was my reasoning for how I was going to afford this. Ultimately that's not the point though and surely it's about the kids, but unfortunately he let his bruised ego take over and as per usual, it's about HIM and not the kids.

So, this morning I'm having to involve a mediator to try and work this out as I feel very strongly about giving the kids this opportunity to a top-class education. The fact that this school works on the UK schooling system, they write GCSE's, AS and A-level exams, coupled with the fact that the kids both have British passports, means that they'll have the world at their feet one day. It's just a pity that EH is being so difficult and that I actually have to go this way.

And thus another week begins with another fight. Wish me luck!

Madge

Moving on

2009-10-22T09:52:00.002+02:00

About three months ago I mentioned that I'd started dating again as it was obvious that EH was dragging his feet with the whole divorce process and I kept going out and meeting really nice guys and got fed up with turning them down when asked out to dinner or drinks.

So, I went on a few dates with a few guys and about two months ago I met a really special man. Someone who made me laugh, made me feel good about myself and seemed to tick most of the boxes.

I haven't mentioned him before as I haven't really felt the time was right, but as things seem to be getting more serious between us, I thought it worth a mention. Let's call him Mr. X, for arguments sake. To be honest, I don't want to go into too much detail about him at this stage (maybe not at any stage...), but all I'll say is watch this space.

He's met PC and MM and the kids love him and vice versa. Another big thing for me is the fact that he has a beautiful daughter of his own who he has sole custody of and he's done an outstanding job raising her so far. She is an absolute picture of who he is as a person and I must say she has had a lot to do with the relationship coming this far so soon.

I must admit, it has all happened a bit fast for my liking. I would've preferred to have been single for a while before taking on something more serious, but sometimes things happen and people come on your path that you don't anticipate and it's not a bad idea to just go with the flow, so that's exactly what I'll be doing with Mr. X. Anyway, watch this space.

Also, just to mention, the Service Manager from AAD Nissan Milnerton was supposed to come and see me at 9:30 this morning. It's now 10:00... Go figure!

Madge

Complaint to AAD Nissan Milnerton

2009-10-21T09:18:00.002+02:00

Dear Sir,

I recently had my Navara serviced at AAD Nissan Milnerton and subsequently had the clutch and hydraulic steering pump replaced.

Firstly I’d like to start by commending the service of one of your service centre staff, Rxxx, who was always very helpful and friendly. The work was done quickly and I’m happy with the result.

However, now to the negative side of things. Last Friday when the Navara’s work had been completed I had a phone call at about 10:00 from Rxxx to tell me that the vehicle was in the wash bay. I made the EFT payment for the outstanding amount and Rxxx informed me that there was only one driver that day, but that they’d be happy to send this driver to pick me up so I could pick up my car.

I didn’t have a problem with this and asked him to inform me when the driver was coming over.
A little later, at about 12:20, Axxx called to tell me that the driver was leaving to come and pick me up. Then, about five minutes later, she called again to say that there was in fact someone else who is able to drive the Navara back. I was absolutely delighted as it would save me an immense amount of time and hassle!

Twenty minutes later, Axxx called again to say that the driver in the Navara had returned to the dealership because there wasn’t enough petrol in it. I find it odd, because the fuel gauge light hadn’t even come on yet when I dropped the vehicle off, so it could’ve only come on while he was driving it, which would’ve meant it would have had more than enough in it to get to me.

Alternatively, wouldn’t it have been simpler to just call me, tell me it was running low on fuel and I would’ve most likely said, put in R50 and I’ll reimburse it when the vehicle gets to me?!
So, I asked Axxx when I could expect the other driver. I would’ve thought that he’d be close by this time? It was now 12:50. Axxx rang me back to say that the driver was about 20 minutes away?! Fine.

Around 13:30 I get a phone call from the driver, Ixxx. He was shouting so loud that I couldn’t hear him. I asked him where he was and he was in such a fluster that he didn’t even know. I asked him to stop shouting at me as I would potentially be able to hear what he was saying. He apologised. The phone went dead.

Ten minutes later he still hadn’t rung back, so I called him. I worked out where he was – only 3 minutes away and explained to him that he had to cross the traffic lights, turn right after the police station, keep right where the road splits and carry on until he practically drives into the gates of my estate. Not exactly difficult!

Ten minutes later he’s still not here. I call him again. He doesn’t know where he is.
The next time I ring him he tells me he’s in front of my house. I go outside, he’s nowhere to be seen. Still on the phone I ask him outside which number he was. He said, number 11. I’m no.6… I take a look at number 11. Nothing there either.

Turns out he was at number 11 of the street in which my estate is located. By then I was getting rather agitated, putting it mildly. I pointed out to him that I lived on an estate as I’d told him at least twice before. Then he proceeded to tell me that the address on his sheet was incorrect. I doubted it. I then tried, YET AGAIN, to explain to this man how to get to my estate.

FINALLY he got here. It was 14:20 – three hours after the first phone call to inform me that a driver was on his way! By this time, I’m fuming from waiting around, my kids are getting tired as they’re used to taking an afternoon nap at this time of day and now I still have to drag them along for an hour-long road trip to pick up the Navara.

Once I was in the car with the driver I asked him to show me what address he’d had. Turns out it was the correct address, clearly stating that it was an estate.

Sir, I don’t want to sound difficult, but I would really have thought that this driver could read properly, given that he has a drivers license. I was totally disgusted and though he was very apologetic, I just don’t think it is in order to mess a client about for three hours who’s just spent R33,000 with Nissan (after being quoted approximately R28,000 for the job, but that’s another story!).

Surely these drivers get some kind of training. In all this time he only made one phone call to me and I had to call him SIX times until he eventually got to me. It was obvious he didn’t listen and couldn’t really give a stuff.

Also with the Navara not having enough fuel. Surely it would’ve been so easy to just call me or the dealership and get authorisation to put a small amount of fuel in? I’m totally gobsmacked by this treatment and am afraid I can’t recommend AAD Nissan Milnerton to anyone in future nor will I feel confident to take my vehicle there for any future services or repairs purely on the basis of bad customer care.

I trust you will look into this matter and deal with it accordingly.

Yours sincerely

Madge

Divorced yet the drama continues

2009-10-18T21:08:00.002+02:00

Yes, believe it or not, it's still ongoing. Despite the fact that I'm legally no longer married to EH, he's still managing to make my life a living hell.

I had such a great day. Took it easy this morning, cooked lunch and then went out as it was so nice and sunny.

After EH asking me why I wasn't taking the kids with me to the beach (uuummmm... because' it's YOUR weekend. Take them yourself!), it would seem he had something better planned.

What, you may ask? Well, it would seem that I forgot to log out of my computer and he felt that it would be totally in order to go sniffing about my email accounts and whatever else he could put his dirty little paws on.

So, when I eventually got home and went online, I had emails from people telling me that it was really odd that I'd come online (Gmail chat and Facebook) yet wasn't replying to them in the chats, which is quite unlike me. So, after a little bit of inspection, I saw that someone had indeed been on my computer intermittently all afternoon.

When I eventually questioned him about it, all very calmly and in passing, simply asking whether he'd found what he'd been looking for on my computer, he stormed out of the room saying he hadn't been on it, at which point Prince Charming kindly pointed out that "Daddy was working on your 'contiputer' today"... Don't you just LOVE the innocence of a child?!

I just went, "Oh, really?!" and then later confronted EH with this again at which point he refused to talk to me. So, when I told him that he was lying to me I got the whole, "Well you've been having an affair and lying to me all this time..." lark. I suppose I should get used to it, because this is going to be his little 'woe is me' line from here onwards.

Anyway, I had a nice day. Went playing putt-putt (mini-golf) with some friends, which was a load of fun and for R12 it's an outing to keep in mind and then we went to Clifton beach.

Unfortunately when I got home, I had a little upset with Miss Muffet as she cried when she had a wee on the potty and then again later, while making a wee, she started crying hysterically. It's obvious that she has a bladder infection, so after a visit to the Emergency Room at the hospital, she's now on some antibiotics, which I'm hoping will kick in fast as she was very upset.

So, this week will hold it's own challenges in store and I'm sure there'll be more drama from EH as he's obviously incapable of moving on.

Madge

Have a stress-free weekend

2009-10-16T08:29:00.003+02:00

And another week has passed. Boy-oh-boy, time seems to be racing. This week was surely an eventful and life-changing one with the divorce finally going through.

I'd like to take a moment to say a very happy birthday to The Writer for today. Hope you have a great day, buddy! Looking forward to tomorrow evening.

It looks like there's some fine weather coming our way for the weekend into next week albeit with wind. I'm hoping to get to the beach at some point.

I got sent this by The Fiery one recently and thought how appropriate it was to post on here, especially after the events of this week, so on this note I'll leave you to enjoy whatever it is you've planned:

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked 'How heavy is this glass of water?'

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it..

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'

He continued, 'And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on. '

'As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.'

'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.'

'Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.'

So, my friend, put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

* Drive carefully.. It's not only cars that can be "Recalled" by their maker....

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well... Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live..

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

Have a stress free day…

Madge

Life goes on

2009-10-15T08:11:00.003+02:00

It's been three days now as my new life in the single world and I think I'm coping ok. I must admit, I have my ups and downs, but overall I seem to be doing fine.

I've been staying with a neighbor's daughter for the past couple of evenings while he's on business and at least it gets me out of the house where there is still a significant atmosphere.

So, taken into account that I don't have much more to say at this stage, here's a little something to brighten up what is otherwise a rather rainy and mizzy day:

Madge

I'm finally a divorced woman

2009-10-13T10:26:00.002+02:00

Yes, the long wait is at last over and now I can move on to an extent. The actual court proceedings went fine. I was, understandably, very nervous and quite distracted. The day itself didn't start off too well, because Miss Muffet accidentally put her little hand on the hot stove as Mom was making the kids porridge and was very shaken and upset by that. Poor little mite!

Then we were stuck in the most appalling traffic into town, but we got there on time and sitting in court, listening to all of the other cases before me, I soon gained my composure and when my turn finally came, it was merely a matter of answering the simple questions from my advocate as well as one from the judge himself and then it was all over.

I must admit, I fell to pieces somewhat when we left the court, but that is understandable to. Luckily I had my Mother and The Fiery One by my side to comfort me. Even though it is what I've been striving for over several months, it is not something I thought I'd ever have to do.

We went to a nice restaurant by the beach and The Hedge Fund Manager and The Posh Mommy joined us for a few bottles of bubbly and a good meal, which soon distracted me and made me feel much better.

So, here begins the rest of my life and I'm sure that there will be so many happy times. There will almost certainly be tough times in between, but that's ok too!

Thanks to everyone for your support over the past few months. I've decided to keep writing for now and keep you all up to date what's happening in my life from here.

Madge

T1 to D-day

2009-10-11T08:44:00.003+02:00

Yes, tomorrow is the day and I must say I'm filled with very mixed emotions. Last night it kinda hit me that this was it and though I'll be very relieved when it's over, I know I'll also be filled with an absolute sadness.

So, this morning I'm going to Mom's house with the kids and we'll be staying there until Tuesday just so I have some support. I also don't really want to be around STBEH at this time to be honest. His attitude is bad enough on normal occasions with his complete disregard for me and the kids, I just don't think I'd be able to deal with it at this stage.

It's amazing how I've learnt to just bite my lip. Admittedly, I don't always shut up, but most of the time it's just not worth the aggro anymore.

So, this is it. I'll be back on Tuesday for the next update on things with what will then be EH, because let's face it, there's always going to be drama on that front.

On that note, I leave you as a married woman with this:

Madge

Three more sleeps until D-day

2009-10-09T08:24:00.002+02:00

Yes, the time has almost come for the big D-day. Someone asked me what the first thing is that I'm going to do, so I said that I can't wait to change my relationship status on Facebook to single!

I went out for dinner last night with a good friend to De Oude Welgemoed and we had a lovely meal, shared a great bottle of De Grendel 2007 Merlot and had a good laugh about life and situations we're in. I had the most amazing salmon and avocado spring rolls to start with and a lamb curry main. Yum!

This morning, I had a very interesting chat with Prince Charming. He came into my room and the first thing he said to me was: "Mommy, Daddy said to me you are a big cow!". Nice! Very nice...

This can only be because he phoned me last night as I was driving and went on as he does. I explained to him that I couldn't talk as I was driving and he totally ignored me, I told him again that I had to go, but that still didn't have an effect, so I pressed the red button. Ironic though how it's ok if he does it to me, but boy oh boy, don't let him be on the receiving end.

Now I'm being slagged off to the kids. Interesting, me thinks. Luckily for me, my trusty Nokia N95 was close at hand and I asked PC to repeat what he'd just told me to the 5 mega pixel Carl Zeiss lens. I'm sure this would stand up pretty well in a custody hearing, should I decide to file for sole custody of the kids due to STBEH's appalling behaviour.

I can definitely see that I'm going to have a lot of grief from this man long after the whole divorce has been finalised. Wish me luck.

Moo!

Aaaaaaaaargh!!!

2009-10-07T19:55:00.002+02:00

Just had to explain to STBEH why it isn't healthy for the kids to be taken out of their routine of sleeping in their own beds. He (obviously) disagreed, so I just told him to do whatever he likes.

Needless to say, Miss Muffet is now sleeping in his bed.

What an absolute arsehole!!!! Get me the fuck out of this place!

It's on days like these when I understand why substances like cyanide are banned!!! Every time I look at him, I see an image of a baseball bat shattering his puny scull. Nice thought.

M

And the shit goes on and on and on...

2009-10-07T17:21:00.002+02:00

Another very long and wearing day for me. First I get an email from STBEH asking me to please not send him any negative emails, sms's or phone calls as he's embarked on a new 'venture' and wants to focus on that during the day and how much he respects me and all that kind of bullshit.

So, I basically told him that I would respect that, however, sometimes it will be necessary to deal with things that can't wait until the evening.

Last night he said that he'd returned all of the files and documents I'd asked for, however, this morning when I went through the stuff to make sure it was all there, much to my amazement, the important documents: birth certificates, children's passports, my UK naturalization certificate, marriage certificate, etc, etc. weren't there!

I sent him an email requesting that he return the documents by midday today and made it clear that if he didn't I would take further action. I then tried to ring him to confirm that he'd picked up the email - he avoided the call - and so I left a voice message.

At 12:00 there were still no documents, so I made one last phone call to him, which he answered only because I used a private number and when I asked him whether he'd read the email, he promptly hung up on me (this is someone who respects me?).

So, as promised, I went to the police and asked them to escort me to his office to try and retrieve these documents.

When we got to his office he freaked out, demanding to know why I brought them along. When I tried to explain that he kept disregarding my requests, he just proceeded to kick up a huge fuss. In the end he said that the documents weren't there, but at his dickhead friend's house.

Now, I don't want to be funny, but why remove these documents from our house in the first place? Reality is that I'm not the flight risk. He is. My family all live here, why would I take the kids out of the country?? He, on the other hand, would have a lot of reason to piss off with the kids in tow and here he is, removing their passports and all other important documentation from our safe.

So, I asked him to phone dickhead's wife who's at home and get her to take the documents out. He rang her, but only after a rather long conversation discussing just how childish I was being along with pathetic and silly and a load of other descriptions of what they thought of me, and EVENTUALLY, by the time the two police officers and I could've played a game of Scrabble, he got to the point.

Off to dickhead's house we all go, STBEH goes in and comes out with a handful of documents, of which only the kids' SA passports and not even their birth certificates. When I pointed out that their British passports were not there, he said that they were his kids too and he was going to hang onto it. Now, I don't want to be funny, but as primary caregiver to the kids, I am rightfully the keeper of these kinds of documents.

Anyway, the police officer explained that there was nothing that he could do about that, but that I should discuss it with my lawyer and take it from there, which will now be my next step tomorrow to take things forward.

And that was my rather eventful day. Add to this the fact that my nanny's son died yesterday and that she came to work totally distraught (understandably so)! I told her to go home and that she shouldn't have come in the first place, but she said that she wanted to keep busy. It really is sad, even though I never knew him, I can only imagine as a parent what it must be like to lose a child. She has lost 3!!! My prayers go to Rose.

Well, tomorrow is another day with it's own trials and tribulations no doubt. Now I just need a nice glass of wine and a good night's sleep. I can guarantee the wine...

Madge

I don't get it - still!

2009-10-07T07:46:00.003+02:00

So, yesterday was STBEH's first day in his office and since he's out of the office/4th bedroom, I decided to move my little rig into it from the dining table. Six months ago when he returned from the UK to come and deal with the divorce he refused to move out of the main bedroom, so I moved out.

I put Prince Charming into the 4th bedroom and took his bedroom over, but he's always hankered after his old room, but unfortunately since the 4th bedroom doesn't have any wardrobes in, it didn't make sense for me from a logistical perspective.

Anyway, in the meantime there have been many fights and arguments at bedtime when PC would want to sleep in his daddy's bed, when I have ALWAYS insisted that the kids sleep in their own beds. It's a routine thing in part. So, I would say no, but STBEH would just say, "If he wants to sleep in my bed, he can". Systematically I just gave up, knowing that once I move out, I'll be able to re-establish the routine.

So, last night, PC was so excited about having his old room back again, he went to bed in there quite happily.

STBEH popped across the street to visit his dickhead friend and when he returned the kids were both in bed already, although it would seem that Miss Muffet wasn't quite asleep when he returned and since I was on a Skype call to The Photographer in London, she called for someone at which point he quite happily took her from her room and put her in his bed! She NEVER sleeps in his bed!!! Then he had the audacity to tell me not to be silly and put her back in her room. I ended up leaving her just because I was so extremely angry at his insolent behaviour.

He's obviously doing this to piss me off, but yet again it's just proof of this idiot's total disregard for the welfare of his kids. He would rather mess around with their routine just in order to get to me, when all I'm doing is trying to keep their routines as simple and uncomplicated with the least amount of fights as possible, so that they at least feel settled.

The same with MM's potty training that I'd started last week while she was on holiday from school. She was doing so well, but when the weekend came and he was left to do it, he simply couldn't be bothered to just remind her on a regular basis to use the potty, so she kept making accidents and he then just decided to put her nappies back on. Nice, dad!

Right, so that's my rant for the day. Only 5 more days that I have to refer to him as my husband, thank god.

Now, something to cheer us all up:

Madge

Removing items from the house

2009-10-06T08:56:00.002+02:00

Yesterday morning I was looking for something in the car and happened to stumble upon the fact that there was a whole stack of files and boxes in the car and boot. I confronted STBEH about these items and told him that he was under no circumstances to remove these items from the house without me going through them first to check that he's not removing items that weren't his to remove.

He then said that he'd been through everything and that nothing in there was mine as he didn't want my stuff anyway. I pointed out that it was still not in order for him to remove these bits without my consent. At this point he'd not even told me that he'd gotten an office somewhere from which he was going to work.

Anyway, he got all angry and said it was none of my business and that I was just being a bitch and that he didn't want my stuff anyway etc, etc. At which point I kindly informed him that I would be contacting my lawyer, which I did (more abusive language followed).

Later, when I got home he said that I could go through the boxes of stuff. He'd already taken a whole load of discs out there in the meantime (all with my name on - and he'd originally said he'd already been through it and nothing was mine...).

So, this morning I asked him to unpack the boxes from the car so I could go through them. There were still some of my items in there, however ALL of the files with our personal documents, birth certificates, documents pertaining to the house, etc. were already at said office!!! There's no need for these documents to even leave the house whatsoever!!

I've now phoned him and instructed him to bring these files home today. If however he ignores this request I will have the police raid the office for theft as that is legally how it would be considered.

He has absolutely no right to take personal documents, especially those that rightfully belong to me and the kids. Now I'm going to have to go through these documents with a fine tooth comb to ensure that everything I need is there and that he hasn't filtered bits away.

It just leaves me to ask: What next???

Madge

Morning sex

2009-10-06T08:40:00.002+02:00

I had this one through from The Fiery One this morning and it really made me chuckle, so I thought I'd share it:

She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast.
He walked in; She turned and said,
You've got to make love to me this very moment.'
His eyes lit up and he thought,

'This is my lucky day.'
Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her
and then gave it his all;
Right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said,

'Thanks,'
and returned to the stove.
More than a little puzzled, he asked,

'What was that all about?'
She explained,
'The egg timer's broken.'

I just thought it was hillarious! Maybe it's a personal experience thing...

Madge

I have a date

2009-10-05T18:33:00.004+02:00

Well, not THAT kind of date, but a court date. Yes, I had confirmation from my lawyer today that on Monday, 12 October, I am to appear in court as the final step of my divorce process, so one week to go.

To be honest, I'm pretty relieved it's almost over. I know that I'll be absolutely shattered on the day and am very lucky that The Fiery One has offered to take the day off work to drive me to court and take me to drown my sorrows thereafter.

The last six months have been very tiring, draining and emotional to say the least and I know there'll be a lot more to come, but at least the worst is over.

Anyway, I had the most amazing weekend. It kicked off with an exclusive live performance by the amazing duo better known as Goldfish on the stunning roof terrace at the Cape Royale 5* Hotel and Residence.

Stunning!!!

Thanks to Seth at 2 Oceans Vibe for the tickets!

Saturday I spent on Camps Bay beach. It was glorious, not a breath of wind and a stunning 29 degrees and I got to put my new toys in a bikini, which looked pretty damn awesome, even if I have to say so myself!

I've been potty training Miss Muffet too. Unfortunately STBEH didn't keep it up over the weekend when he had the kids, but it's going pretty good over all. She's really got the hang of it amazingly quickly and it just goes to show that if you wait until they're ready, it goes fast!

So, that's the news. A week to go until I'm a divorced woman.

Ciao!

Madge

Every day brings something new

2009-09-30T16:40:00.002+02:00

From a challenge, to a laugh or a lesson, that's how my days seem to be going right now. The whole divorce situation has made me learn so much about myself and about life that I'm a much bigger and stronger person already and I know there's so much more to come.

I have my days where I feel weak and fragile, but that's normal too. Other days I'm just totally overwhelmed by myself and others.

This week I've been faced with more challenges, mainly exciting ones and am trying to deal with them one step at a time. There are massive decisions that need to be made and they impact on everyone around me.

Meeting new people and doing new and fun things has made me realise how much I've lost out and become so encased in the life that I had. I'm certainly going to ensure that I make the most out of my life ahead. I'm ready for new challenges and will take more risks (calculated, of course). Bring on the future!

Madge

Rocking Kill Bill

2009-09-29T12:06:00.002+02:00

Last night I did the shoot for the new wine E-zine I'm going to be writing for. It was a Kill Bill themed shoot and we had so much fun. I learnt how to do a sabrage (where you chop off the head of a champagne bottle with a sword) and we added a little ninja-style twist to that.

This is Uma Thurman doing her thang in Kill Bill

Of course, we had to open a few bottles of fizz to get the shots, so lots of bubbly was consumed by all. I've already seen some of the pics, but unfortunately they're embargo'd for a little while until the launch of said mag.

Yesterday morning there was yet another incident with STBEH which once again confirmed to me that I'd done the right thing and that he'd never change his thinking to become less selfish and consider the family situation as a whole.

I'm not even going to bore you with the whole story, but basically it involved us both being out. I'd already informed him that I'd be out at that particular time, but nothing was said to me and next minute he also was leaving, thus there not being anyone with the kids.

He stayed in the end, but not after first shouting and swearing at me in front of the kids, telling me that I always wanted things MY way and that I was constantly attacking him and that I've been lying to him about everything over the last six months. I was merely pointing out that there was no-one to stay with the kids and if he'd told me that he also had to go out, I could've arranged for the nanny to be here. It could've all been so very simple.

Anyway, it looks like there might be an option for me to move out of the house in about 8 weeks time if it doesn't sell in the meantime, so let's see what happens.

Madge

Life takes it's turns

2009-09-27T19:44:00.002+02:00

I have been so busy of late that I simply hadn't had a chance to write, so here I am now. I had a lovely day on Thursday at The Fiery One's. We celebrated Heritage Day in true South African style with a braai and had a few bottles of vino collapso along with it. Well, I didn't have a few bottles by myself, but between us...

Friday was a busy one too, doing a few things in the day and then going out in Camps Bay for dinner at Blues Restaurant followed by drinks at Caprice.

On Saturday I invited a bunch of ladies over for brunch and a MCC tasting (Methode Cap Classique). I'm starting to write a monthly article for a new wine E-Zine and my first assignment was to do a review on six MCC's.

So, I figured that since I had to open six of them, I'd like to share the experience with some of my favorite girlies and invited Mom, The Fiery One and four other of my close girlfriends. Everyone brought something along and we had an absolute ball.

The E-Zine goes live next month and I'll definitely post a link here for you all to access it. It's run by the same people who do The Wine Show in Jo'burg and is aimed at every day wine drinkers who don't necessarily care about the sugar levels and all that jazz, but just want to know a little more about which nice wines are out there, and obviously a lot more.

Today has been fairly chilled and relaxed and then tomorrow a new week starts all over again...

So, on that note, have a good one!

Madge

The nightmare

2009-09-23T08:39:00.002+02:00

I had the most horrible dream and it upset me so much. I dreamt that STBEH's loser-friend was trying to get to me to do something to me (I don't know what) and I kept running away from him.

I eventually ran into my bedroom and locked the door, however the lock had been tampered with and the door wasn't actually locked, so STBEH let him into the house and into my room. I yelled to some kids outside from the window to call the police and this scared Loser off.

I quickly found the kids and took them into my room and just as I was about to close the door STBEH came in and I told him to stay away from me and the kids and he just said, "If I can't have them, then neither can you!", then produced a revolver and shot Prince Charming.

I remember running to my boy as he was lying on the floor looking at me with his gentle green eyes. A pool of blood starting to form under him and he said to me, "Mommy, it's hurting." And then I woke up in a total state.

Fuuuuuuck!! I'm getting all upset again just writing about it.

I know for a fact that STBEH would never do anything to harm any of his kids. He loves them dearly. But why did I have to have this terrible dream? I can only think that it's my emotions playing tricks on me. So very, very upsetting.

Madge

The beautiful midlands

2009-09-21T07:49:00.003+02:00

It's been years since I last visited Kwa-Zulu Natal province with all it's tropical splendour and amazing rolling hills, but this weekend reminded me, yet again, what a beautiful country this truly is.

Flying up there on Friday and driving to the stunning Tala Private Game Reserve situated between Durban and Pietermaritzburg also made me realise that I am indeed living in Africa. I think living in a modern city such as Cape Town does have a way of making you forget this fact. Something which was also quite obvious was the fact that there were no fences up anywhere to section off land.

Stayed in the Premier Suite of Paperbark Lodge, which was amazing as you can see...

The La Tala Restaurant was amazing too, with a sumptuous 5-course dinner prepared by their award winning chef and scrummy breakfasts. Their wildlife range is impressive with rhino, giraffe, wildebeest, lots of deer and buck, warthogs, hippos and much more.

My weekend was further kick-started by a phone call from my lawyer to inform me that the settlement papers have finally been signed. Funny that with all the previous milestones I had been quite upset, but after this phone call I merely felt relief. Last week was so horrible at home with things happening and an atmosphere that was severely strained at the very least, that the news had been pretty welcome.

This week she will be applying for a court date and she reckons we could have one as soon as the end of this month or early October! So, it looks like this stage of the journey is almost over. Now the house still needs to go.

I've got a moderately busy week ahead and hope that it holds even more good news in store for me.

Madge

Comment posting and more

2009-09-20T20:31:00.004+02:00

To all my readers,

Please do feel free to provide comments on my site, however following a comment from 'dickhead' earlier this week in which a real name was mentioned and there have been subsequent repercussions as I didn't get to delete the post for a few hours after it was made, I've decided it best to rather moderate comments from now on. As always, your views and opinions are very much appreciated.

I'm sure you've also noticed that I've played around with the look and feel of the site as I was getting a bit bored and felt that a change would be a good idea. I've also added a fun little option where you can tick whether you find a particular post funny, interesting or cool. Use it, don't use it, it's there for you. Well... and me, because I can see what you guys think!

Lastly, there's also a little envelope at the bottom of each post. Should you feel that the particular post is relevant to something that a friend might be interested in or you know someone who's experiencing a similar situation, you can click on this to forward that post to your friend by simply filling in their email address. These details will NOT be used for any other purpose and aren't even stored on a database.

Hope you will enjoy the new look and new features.

Madge

Busy but not?!

2009-09-17T12:36:00.002+02:00

At this point in my life I feel like there's so much going on, but I'm standing still. I'm busy doing lots of things, yet not doing anything. Very confusing and frustrating. I think it's a case of being in limbo and not knowing what's going to happen when.

I've actually been struggling to write here of late. There's so much to say and so much going on, but not things that I feel I can say on here, because of who reads it and unfortunately some things need to be kept secret for a little while. They're mainly things that have been happening at home and that I've found out about STBEH and what he's been up to, shafting me (nothing new now, in fact I'm getting used to it) and also our kids. Lovely!

I am however looking forward to my weekend VERY much. I'm skipping town for a couple of days and am sure the break from the latest atmosphere will be enough to sort me out again.

Madge

Hmmmm...

2009-09-15T07:53:00.003+02:00

LOL! I couldn't think of anything to start today's post with, so 'Hmmmm...' it is.

So, another day in the life of Madge and fortunately a busy one with follow-up appointment at the surgeon and a lunch business meeting. We like!

STBEH is still stomping around the house in a very foul mood. Yes, he's still angry at me for being insensitive and has seemingly forgotten how he burst into my room when I was already sleeping, started shouting and swearing at me, pulling my duvet off and demanding to know whether i was... wait for it... 'having a wank'?!?!?!

Then he proceeded to shove me over rather aggressively when I turned my back on him (in bed) and told him in no uncertain terms to piss off. Taking into consideration that I'd just recently had an operation to my upper body, not a painless thing to have happened and he then couldn't understand why I subsequently told him to "Get the fuck out of my room!"...

So it continues. Last night he yet again undermined my authority with PC when I wanted to put him to bed and said that PC could sleep in his bed. The rule is that kids sleep in their own rooms. This has ALWAYS been the case. What he does with them on the weekends when he has them is up to him, but when I'm around there are certain rules and routines, which should stay.

On top of this he proceeded to call me a range of names... in front of the kids... lovely! It has obviously never been a concern of his to shout or swear at me in front of the kids. Great example.

Madge

How NOT to end a good weekend

2009-09-14T09:28:00.002+02:00

And yes, I had a wonderful weekend. It was my weekend with the kids, so I'd planned to do a few things with them. On Friday evening we visited some neighbors who have got a new puppy, called Sasja - very cute.

On Saturday morning we were up early to meet some people at Doodles for rugby over breakfast and what a beautiful game it was! Well done Springboks for taking the Tri-Nations cup. We're proud of you.

Afterwards we went to the beach at Big Bay and then went to The Fiery One's place for the afternoon where the kids even ventured into the freezing pool!

Speaking of The Fiery One, I'm very proud to say that they scooped the top prize in their category at the Michaelangelo awards on Saturday evening. They won the trophy and double gold in the Garagiste category, which is for producers under 10,000 litres and the 'cellar' shouldn't be bigger than a large garage.

We subsequently had a celebratory braai at their place yesterday, which was a lot of fun. Well done Rabbit!

So, a good weekend was had by all, however last night I was yet again subjected to a barrage of STBEH's issues, tears, shouting, swearing and general drama. And all of this simply because I answered the phone to a guy. I'd also like to add that upon answering the phone, I went to my room to continue the conversation, out of earshot and in the attempt to be sensitive. So for four hours I had to deal with this ongoing barrage.

It really pissed me off that I had such a great weekend only to be ended by this kind of thing. Oh well, the best thing is to simply just sit there and take it. He kept telling me how insensitive I was being, however it wasn't insensitive when he never paid any attention to my pleas, requests or concerns. It's STILL all about him. All about what he wants and fuck the rest. How insensitive was he the day he said that he didn't want to see a marriage counselor "because it's not worth it"?! FUCK YOU!

Right, so now that's off my chest, I hope you all have a great week ahead.

Madge

It's Friday and my aim is to keep smiling

2009-09-11T08:30:00.002+02:00

After last night's little episode I'm feeling much better this morning. It seems as if STBEH is 'OK'(??), or shall I say he's not in a filthy mood about the summons, which helps. I suppose he knew it was coming, so it couldn't have been a big surprise.

Reality is, that it had to come at some point, but I suppose it just brought it all home again.

Anyway, at least the sun will be shining for the next couple of days, which always makes one feel so much better.

I'm planning on taking the kids to the beach tomorrow for a little play and will be going to The Fiery One's house on Saturday afternoon and probably stay the night there. Then on Sunday I'm having a show-house again, so will probably look at doing something with the kids then too. Maybe go to the aquarium with them or perhaps even take them to see the new Pixar movie, UP, which is said to be excellent!

So, on that note I'll sign off and wish you all a great weekend and least I not forget, may the Springboks whip some serious All Black arse!! Go Bokke!!

Madge

Is this the beginning of the end?

2009-09-10T18:32:00.002+02:00

Well, I haven't been in the mood to write for a couple of days. Let's just say I've had a crappy week. Firstly I've got this really odd cold that's making me feel somewhat under the weather and also I'm a bit hormonal, which of course doesn't help.

On top of that there was a misunderstanding on a job I did for a client and this has upset me a bit too.

So, a short while ago the sheriff of the courts turned up to deliver the summons to STBEH and that just finally pushed me over the edge.

As I'm sitting here I'm going from feelings of deepest sorrow to extreme anger. Angry because he didn't try when it mattered and sadness because I never really wanted this and all of this could so easily have been avoided if he just paid a little bit of attention to me when I told him that I was unhappy and him just being even slightly less self centred to consider my most basic needs of love, affection, understanding and being a genuine partner in the marriage.

I feel so sorry for STBEH. I know this is devastating for him... as it is for me too...

Anyway, I'm going to leave it at that as I'm suddenly at a loss for words.

Madge

What to think?

2009-09-08T09:24:00.002+02:00

Today I have my 1-week checkup with the surgeon and am really excited. Mainly to get the damn plasters off, because that means I can have a proper shower. Yay!

So, the atmosphere at home is pretty good again. For now anyway. STBEH told me yesterday that he will be signing the settlement agreement because "I want you to be happy". Now, what that means is anyone's guess and to be honest I'm not going to believe it until I see it.

The reality is, he definitely believes that a third party was the reason for this divorce and to be honest, I actually can't be bothered. As I said before, the people who matter know the truth and, most importantly, so do I. If it makes him feel better about it to think that it was my fault, then so be it.

Ironically, the person who I was pictured with, although being a nice guy, isn't someone I see myself with long-term and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. But, as I said, he'll believe this, no matter what simply so as to not have to believe that the bulk of the fault lay with him.

What I definitely do want to mention is that I'm really pleased with the way he handled spending the last 6 days on his own with the kids. I think it was a good exercise anyway for bonding purposes. Since all this has started he's tried to make more of an effort to bond with Miss Muffet, who he didn't have much interest in before and I'm really pleased about that. She's also much happier and a lot less clingy to me because of it.

On a very different note, I'm very excited that The Fiery One's husband's (let's call him 'Rabbit' since I've never mentioned him on here before) Shiraz has won a very coveted Michaelangelo award. We don't know which one yet, so I'll let you know after the award ceremony, which is taking place on Saturday evening.

So, let's see what the rest of this week holds in store for us all and let's hope the sun comes back soon!!

Madge

I'm baaaaack!

2009-09-07T14:27:00.003+02:00

Yes, the 'New and Improved' version of me is back and glad to be so! The op went swimmingly and the pain worth it. As I mentioned in my last post, I stayed with Mom until this morning and was thoroughly spoilt and nursed back to a fairly decent state. I've still got a fair bit of pain, but every day gets a little bit better.

I must admit, it will be nice sleeping in my own bed again and it's great being back with the kids, who I missed terribly.

There's a lot I'd like to share with you and will definitely do so throughout the week, but I thought I'd take this opportunity to clear up something with regards to my previous, and seemingly very controversial, post.

Firstly, I'd like to say that I don't really have to make any excuses to anyone with regards to the decisions I make. If you knew me, you'd know that I'm extremely responsible when it comes to money and that I very rarely spend money on myself. My children come first and I make all financial decisions after taking them and their needs into consideration.

However, when I was told that I could have the money, by a certain beneficiary, but only on the basis that the money gets spent on the operation I've been dying to have for several years, I jumped at the opportunity.

So, no, I didn't spend money that could've been spent on renting something for myself and the kids and the suggestion to pay for STBEH to live somewhere else was simply ridiculous!!

And, here I am today, with a beautiful set of boobies and I'm very happy and very proud, so thanks to my kind beneficiary for this. Mwah!

Madge

The BIG day has arrived!

2009-09-01T09:51:00.002+02:00

Well, the day that I've been waiting for for years has finally arrived and I can almost not believe it.

So, it is officially Spring Day here in South Africa, the sun is trying to shine in Cape Town, I'm finalising a few things as I won't be online for a few days as I'll be staying with Mom until at least Sunday and she doesn't have internet access, although I might try to get to an internet cafe near her home later in the week.

OK, without any further delay... *drum roll* I'm finally having a long-awaited boob-job!

Yes, unfortunately I was fairly small-breasted to begin with, but after breastfeeding two rather greedy babies, I've ended up being totally flat-chested and today is the day that all of that comes to an end.

A new season, a new life and a lovely set of boobs to accompany this! All I'm going for is the proverbial handful, so nothing huge, just very natural and feminine.

The Fiery One is picking me up at 11:30 and taking me to the hospital but my theatre time is only at 17:30, so it's still going to be a long wait today. I've had a HUGE breakfast and can still drink fluids for another hour. Then tomorrow Mom will be taking me home to give me all the TLC only a Mom can give. It will also help to be away from the kids, because I won't be able to pick them up for a little while, so at least I'll be able to recover without the stress of trying to explain to them why Mommy is hurting and in particular to Miss Muffet, why I can't pick her up.

I did tell Prince Charming last night that I was going to hospital to have an operation and that I wouldn't be around for a few days, so needless to say, I dropped him off at school this morning and he proceeds to tell his little friend that the doctor is going to 'cut Mommy's boobies'!! I nearly fell over I laughed so much.

So, cherio from me, when I come back I will be bigger and better!

Madge x

Ahem...

2009-08-31T15:41:00.002+02:00

Having one of those days where I don't really know where to start. I had a lovely weekend. Went wine tasting with a whole group of people on Saturday and it was brilliant. Our first farm was Hartenberg, followed by L'Avenir, which was brilliant. We ended off at Beyerskloof where we all sat down to a brilliant lunch too.

It was just lovely to get out for the day and spend some time with a group of nice people and to meet some new and interesting people, have a laugh and enjoy some good wine.

On Saturday evening I went to a 40th birthday party and when i woke up at 3am feeling slightly sick and very thirsty, I knew I'd had a good day! Needless to say, Sunday wasn't such a good day, although I had a lovely meal with some really neat people, which made it all the more bearable.

Today has been pretty busy trying to get as much done as I can before tomorrow, THE BIG DAY! I was originally going to let you in on my little secret today, but realised that I'll be able to come online tomorrow morning still, so you'll have to wait until then.

Over and above all of this, I've also been doing a fair bit of soul searching lately and have realised that I'm probably a lot more scarred than I thought I was initially. I've changed a lot over these past few years and have lost so much of the person who I essentially used to be. I think I'll probably start off being pretty guarded with my emotions and feelings when it comes to future relationships.

I think with all of last week's dramas it has just been highlighted that I can now move on with regards to relationships and this has just brought all of these thoughts into my head. As I've said before, I'm not sure I'll be diving straight into anything and as exciting as it is to think that I might experience being in love again, it's also slightly daunting and I'm actually quite afraid of being hurt again, however the dating part might be a lot of fun.

As for STBEH I'm also very saddened, because I think I've now lost all respect for him and whereas before I thought I'd be able to be friends afterwards, I'm not sure this will happen anymore. I can understand that he's done a lot of the things to keep his family together, but the more I see, the more I'm convinced that it's more a situation of him not wanting to start over and the financial impact that he's more concerned about.

Anyway, as you can tell, my mind is a little bit all over the place today, so I'll leave you with that. Bring on tomorrow!

Madge

I can't be bothered and 'Hint no.2'

2009-08-28T14:23:00.002+02:00

Well, it's Friday already and it sure has been an action-filled week. As you might have imagined, I haven't received the apologies nor have I received evidence of having had an affair, said affair being the REASON for my divorce.

To be honest, I'm not surprised and don't really care. The reality is that the people who matter all know the real reason for the divorce and that's what matters to me.

STBEH and his cronies thought that they were really going to f*ck me over this week and I've been able to give them the finger quite beautifully. I just find it all so sad and pathetic, but then I'm pretty much used to it by now. I'm just totally disgusted to think that I actually loved this man once, who now seems to stoop lower than pond scum!

Very sad that they're now willing to drag innocent people into the equation. And for what? Anyway, I'm no longer going to upset myself. My lawyer has already issued the summons and the sheriff will probably be delivering that in about 2 weeks time, so I'm just going ahead with my plans.

Add to that the fact that I can pretty much date who I want, it means that I can finally start to move on. It's been dragging for quite some time for me now, considering the fact that I told STBEH that I wanted the divorce on the 1st of January already, so I really am ready to move on now and am really looking forward to living my life again.

Which conveniently brings me along to 'Hint no.2': A letter of the alphabet I will be, somewhere between A and Zee.

Lastly a sad farewell to the GEM. Ek gaan jou verskriklik baie mis vriendin, maar ek is seker ons sien mekaar weer binnekort. Ek is baie lief vir jou!

I've got a lovely weekend planned and hope you all do too.

Madge

And the plot solidifies!

2009-08-27T09:57:00.002+02:00

Hmmm, where to start? Well, had a phone call from my lawyer this morning informing me that she's had a letter from STBEH's camp saying that he will not be signing the settlement document at this time.

Their reason for this? Well, apparently STBEH had hired a PI to follow me around and took photo's of me last weekend whilst visiting a friend.

According to my lawyer this makes absolutely NO difference whatsoever. The reality is that even if I was pictured shagging this guy in public, it would still bare absolutely no relevance to the matter for various reasons.

Firstly, I started this process in March already when I went to my lawyer for the first time. Meaning that with this time lapse, I can rightfully start dating, but even more to the point is the fact that it has nothing to do with our settlement. The only area that could have been affected is if I claimed a personal maintenance, which I'm not. Then he could've argued on that point. Once again raising the question about his legal advice??

So, reality is that he has been wasting even more of his money on hiring a PI (not cheap), who merely caught me visiting a friend who's birthday it was that week.

The height of pathetic! Oh, and I WILL be dating more actively from now on considering what my lawyer said, so he might soon be able to fill a whole photo album!

Madge

My house too!

2009-08-27T08:24:00.002+02:00

Well, the dust has by no means settled at this end. STBEH (Soon-To-Be-Ex-Husband) is walking around here with a huge cloud over his head and I just wish that a bolt of lightning would crash onto him from it!

When I asked him for the keys to OUR safe in OUR house he refused to give it to me. Apparently he's afraid that I'll take the kids' passports. What on earth will I do with them?? Pathetic.

This is the bit that really gets to me. If this is OUR house, then surely he has no right to withhold things like that from me? Anyway, I'm waiting to hear back from my lawyer, so will clarify this matter with her too, amongst others.

I think the time has come where he needs to leave the house as he's making it utterly unbearable for me and the atmosphere is not at all healthy for the children. If he cares about them, he'll get out.

Madge

Hint no.1

2009-08-26T20:09:00.002+02:00

It seems like many of you are absolutely DYING to find out what the exciting event is that's happening on Tuesday, so I thought I'd post a daily 'Hint' and you can let me know what you think it is, so here's no.1:

'It once was, but is no more, ample of you will be evermore...'

PS: Those of you who are privy to the relevant info, please don't spoil the fun!

Shaking with rage

2009-08-26T08:27:00.002+02:00

Let's get right to it: Yesterday it was kindly brought to my attention that STBEH has been spreading a rather vicious rumour with regards to the reason behind this divorce. It turns out that he's been saying that the real reason for this is because of another man. (In my life, not his, although, one might want to question that...)

I am currently only aware of one avenue that this goes back to, but am pretty positive that if he's said it to one person, he's said it to more than that and, as we all well know, this kind of rumour can certainly spread like wildfire.

Following hearing about this rather slanderous news, I've consulted with my lawyer and have decided to give him and this particular friend of his, who was all too willing to spread the news, until Friday afternoon at 16:00 to return to me either with concrete evidence which proves that I'm having said affair or provide me with written apologies.

Now STBEH can go to his friend and has a couple of days to sort this out or I will lay charges for libel. Reality is that I have absolutely NOTHING to lose by doing so and in it could really help set me up financially for when I'm on my own. If he wants to ruin my reputation, I'll play the game!

Furthermore, it turns out that the prick has STILL not signed the consent paper as now he's apparently querying something else within this. In fact, I'm really beginning to believe he's less of a prick and more of a word that rhymes with the smallest in the litter of dogs... (Work it out)

So, after all of that, it turns out that things are still not finalised and I'm still being strung along with his pathetic little game.

Fortunately the house is on show again this weekend and it sounds as if someone who's seen the house a little while ago might well be interested, so let's hope for the best. The sooner I don't have to see his sorry face every day, the better!

Madge

One of those days

2009-08-25T15:52:00.003+02:00

I'm positive that EVERYONE has a day like I'm having today. Surely they do?! The way I'm experiencing it is this: Blah, blah, blah, bored shitless, hell this is boring, blah, blah, someone entertain me, blah, blah and so on and soforth. Oh yeah, and did I mention blah?!

The only thing that I keep reminding myself is that my exciting day will be here in a mere week's time, so that's pretty damn exciting, but then again, that's only a mere reminder.

I'm not saying that I have nothing to do. There's always things to do, just nothing too exciting. I had a fab meeting yesterday about a very exciting little venture, which I'll be sharing once things are a bit more concrete and have managed to do a little research on the matter, but why am I feeling so... well, blah?!

Anyway, I'm just rambling and talking a load of nonsense now, so won't bore you any further. I'm sure that tomorrow I'll be back to my usual self again.

I'll leave you with this pic as I noticed that one of the top trending topics on Twitter today is 'Fat People Are Sexier'. You might not quite agree looking at this pic...

Hmmmm, very sexy...

Madge

Now that's what I call a weekend!

2009-08-24T08:21:00.002+02:00

After a couple of quiet weekends, this weekend sure made up for it all! Went out on Friday night with some ex-colleagues and had a lovely time. We went to Fiesta in De Waterkant and I must say, the Fresca cocktails I had were divine (strawberry pulp, basil, vodka and cranberry), but the service not so much. We waited far too long for our drinks and when the waiter brought the bill, he couldn't took more for a tip than what was written down... and needless to say, after that you simply couldn't pin the bastard down to rectify the problem.

Anyway, that aside, I had a fab evening all round, so really can't complain.

On Saturday I went to see The Rat Pack at the New Space Theatre. This was an AMAZING show! I've seen the show in London and can't remember enjoying it as much as this. The singers/actors were phenomenal with stunning voices and every bit as entertaining as the real troupe would've been with all of the quirks and jokes to boot. I'd highly recommend this show, which has also been extended until the 5th of September due to popular demand.

Following the show, our group went to one of my favorite restaurants in town, Pigalle, where the food is always out of the books, service is smooth and atmosphere sublime.

Yesterday, STBEH asked me to do something with him and the kids for the day, so I agreed and we visited a couple of wine farms and threw in a visit to the Le Bonheur Croc Farm for good measure. We also visited Backsberg and the farm that's fast becoming my favorite, Vrede en Lust.

It would seem that the current winemaker at Vrede en Lust, Susan Wessels, is truly making her mark and one can certainly taste a distinct improvement and marked difference between her latest releases and those pre-Susan. My favorites on the day were the Chardonnay and Viognier, so with summer coming up, I'd highly recommend stocking up on these for your special occasions as they're not exactly your everyday drinking wines at R80 and R120 respectively.

The weekend was ended off with pizzas at La Romantica. So, fun was had by all.

On the homefront, I'm very pleased to say that the atmosphere has lifted considerably. STBEH and I seem to be getting on a lot better now that we've agreed the settlement - as I always said we would and I can almost say that things are pleasant. Spending the day together yesterday was quite awkward for me though. Not saying it wasn't a nice day, just awkward.

Furthermore I only have 8 more sleeps until the BIG event and I'm getting very excited now. I'll tell you all about it next Monday as I won't be posting for the remainder of that week, so keep an eye out for that.

I hope you all have a stunning week ahead.

Madge

Friday funnanigans!

2009-08-21T09:05:00.002+02:00

And a big YAY to that! This week seems to have dragged on somewhat, but finally it's Friday and we can have some fun. As I'm typing this I'm getting into the mood with my current favorite track by Armin van Buuren called In and Out of Love featuring Sharon den Adel. Check out the music video below, although I have to add I prefer the Blizzard Remix as on his album, Imagine (The Remixes).

Another song that's recently come up again and is my current ringtone is Laid, by James. I heard it again recently on the radio and rushed back to my trusted Russian MP3 site to download it. It just brings back so many memories!

I have a few plans this weekend starting with post-work drinks in town with a bunch of people and a birthday party tomorrow night. Should be a blast.

Madge x

"Car guards" getting right up my nose

2009-08-20T10:29:00.002+02:00

Yesterday, I had to make a trip into town for a couple of appointments I had. My first, being in Harrington Street, Gardens, I was 'ushered' into my parking space, which firstly pissed me off because two of these "car guards" were fighting about who was going to assist me with this job, which in turn only set my parking sensors of to bleep like anything!

So, when I returned to my car about 15 minutes later, already begrudging the fact that I'm feeling guilty because I don't want to pay them anything for their 'service', I get into the car, find some coppers (I'm most certainly not giving them more than that for 15 minutes!!) and hand it to the guy.

What does he do? He gives it one look and says "It's not enough, take it back!". At this point I'm about to drive off, thinking "You rude git!", when he proceeds to throw it back into the car!!! Ungrateful arsehole! And THIS, is exactly why I will no longer give these pricks money. They don't deserve it and need to be 'ushered' off our streets! In fact, I think there should be a law that makes it illegal for motorists to pay them as this will in turn get rid of them, especially since we ALL know that there won't be a law against them doing what they're doing.

Please note that I'm not against the legit ones that are employed by the big shopping malls and are genuinely providing a service, however how do you know, because, most of the time, these pricks buy a yellow hi-viz jacket and all of a sudden they seem to transform into 'reliable, trustworthy people who will prevent your car from being stolen'. I think NOT!

Madge

Dreaming about Gareth Cliff?!

2009-08-19T09:18:00.004+02:00

Yes, how perturbed was I when I woke up from THAT dream? For anyone outside SA reading this, Gareth Cliff is a breakfast DJ on a national radio station called 5FM, the equivalent of the UK Radio 1.

Gareth, very cute!

I just find it very odd because although I enjoy his radio show while driving in the morning, I've never really thought of him in THAT way... ahem... Look, he's not exactly Brad Pitt, but he's cute. Weird shit!

So, another busy day running around, but I like it that way, so no complaints. Just wish it was a bit warmer, then one would be more willing to go out!

Laters
Madge

I just don't get it anymore

2009-08-18T12:14:00.002+02:00

Well, as you know, we reached settlement almost two weeks ago. So, my lawyer drafted the settlement document and sent it through. I signed it and passed it on to STBEH to sign too. I said to him that he doesn't need to spend the money to go to his lawyer, but that he could confirm with him that they agree with the document as my lawyer sent a copy through to them too.

STBEH was insistent that he wanted to go and sign it at his lawyer's office and after a lot of nagging finally had an appointment for yesterday, but then he returned saying that apparently the lawyer was stuck in court and the next appointment is only on Friday.

The bit that I don't get is why he's actually willing to spend the R900 to merely go and sign a document that his lawyer can confirm to him via email or telephone is ok?! In the meantime it still continues to drag the matter along and this is the other part that I simply can't get my head around. Surely by now he would also just want to move on and get it over with?

So, this has been my frustration for the last day (well, the last 10 days actually) and I'm just pretty annoyed by it all. On the face of things it's just another 4 days, but when things have taken as long as they have and all I need is a basic signature, I think it's fairly understandable that I'm feeling this way. Now I just can't help thinking that he's messing me around again and that it's yet another game, which in turn makes me feel like I should just avoid STBEH again and that after the atmosphere at Wisteria Lane has been rather pleasant and nice for the kids and us.

Hey, at least I have something VERY exciting to look forward to that's happening in exactly 2 weeks time today...

Madge

Back to normal

2009-08-17T08:36:00.002+02:00

Well, I've not been writing on here as religiously over the past week, mainly because of being really busy and ill on top of that. Though I'm looking forward to another busy week, I'm at least feeling a lot better than I did last week with my chest infection and I'm really looking forward to getting back to the gym today.

I had a lovely weekend. Had some friends round for drinks on Friday evening, which was nice. On Saturday did the kiddies party thing, which I managed to cope with, somehow and finally got to watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

Strange movie, and though it was a bit drawn out, the best part of it was that Brad Pitt just kept getting better and better looking!

Yesterday I took the kids to the beach. We were there for almost three hours and had a ball. PC and I even went into the sea with our clothes on. I didn't think it would be warm enough for it and didn't take cossies, but the sun soon dried us up. It's great seeing him starting to enjoy the water.

Right, now to get on with some work.

Madge

To do or not to do...

2009-08-13T13:45:00.002+02:00

There is something I've been wanting to do for quite some time now, years in fact, but it's simply never happened for a whole host of reasons. After consulting with the Project Manager and Mom, and explaining my predicament, they are in agreement with me that I should just bite the bullet and do it. So, I'm doing it!!

Anyway, feeling somewhat melancholic today. Don't know why. Might be because I signed the Affidavit for the summons and am now merely waiting for STBEH to sign the Consent Paper, which it seems he's holding off doing for whatever reason. Oh well, it'll happen when it happens.

I'm meeting with the GEM tomorrow, who is moving back to Jo'burg. I'm really sad about that. She's become one of my closest friends here and has been a major support for me and is such a wonderful person to have in my life.

Ek gaan jou mis, vriendin!!

Well, on that note I'll sign off for today.

Madge

Feeling rather mizzy

2009-08-12T17:55:00.002+02:00

With my minor chest infection taking it's toll I'm feeling a little under the weather today, hence not posting earlier. The only positive is that I'm sounding rather sexy, but unfortunately don't have someone to talk sexy to...

Had a little business meeting this afternoon at and shared a beautiful bottle of Diemersfontein Pinotage with it's divine chocolatey, coffee flavours and two yummy Allesverloren Ports, I'm feeling rather contented right now.

Since I'm merely going to be talking a load of shite if I were to continue writing, I'll leave you with a funny that was sent to me by my dear friend, the Hedge Fund Manager:

The Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs, and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes, when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting:

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells,

"You stay out of this, mister, I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee! "

Madge

Aching back and feet

2009-08-11T08:28:00.003+02:00

Over this past long weekend I helped someone out at their stand at the Baba Indaba selling a very innovative post-pregnancy belly-belt. Check out the Cherished Belly website and get one if you're pregnant and want to get back into your pre-preggie jeans quickly. It was fun getting out and doing something different for a change, although I must admit, I was totally buggered at the end of each long day, giving the same spieel to the punters and standing on sore feet.

Last night, after the three long days I went for a couple of cocktails at the Leopard Room in the Twelve Apostles Hotel. I had the Raspberry Truffle, which was absolutely gorgeous!

Now I'm left with a rather nasty cough, but I'll get over that too. And that is all I have to say for now.

Madge

Setting things straight

2009-08-08T19:46:00.002+02:00

Firstly, I'd like to thank many of you for your support, however, to Anon 2 who wrote a comment on the previous post, it seems like you 'think' you know a lot about what has happened here, so since you're such a guru on the reasons why my marriage has fallen apart, please do me the favour of sharing exactly where I fucked up?

Was I a bad wife, did I sleep around, did I not do my bit to run the home, the children and contribute both financially and emotionally? Did I treat STBEH like shit? Did I not support him through ALL of the tough times instead of bitching about not being able to go on holiday again, bitching because of the nasty phone calls from creditors and lie awake with him at night, worrying about how we're going to survive? All the while not being appreciated for what I do, who I am and generally being ignored as a wife.

Am I to blame for wanting a life in which I want happiness, peace, stability and love? I DON'T THINK SO!!

STBEH could've posted his side on here at any point. I have never deleted any negative comments. The reality is that nothing of what I've said on here is a lie. It's ALL the truth.

Nobody's perfect and never have I professed to be either, but I am not the reason why this marriage has failed. I tried for a very long time to make it work.

I'm guessing that you're a family member or close friend of STBEH and therefore will accept that you're only trying to stand up for him, however I implore you to look at the facts. You might well be angry at me for writing this blog, but as I've said time and time again, this is my emotional venting ground. If STBEH wants to slag me off, then let him do it. I know he does it anyway, however not as publicly.

So, in conclusion Anon, if you still feel like you're such an expert on the matters of my marriage, please do share why you feel that you're such an authority.

Madge

Bittersweet

2009-08-07T08:44:00.002+02:00

Well, yesterday afternoon I had a phone call from my lawyer informing me that we have finally agreed the settlement. My initial emotion was that of elation, but this was soon replaced by a feeling of deep sadness.

Don't get me wrong, it's what I wanted, but it just upset me again that this all had to happen in the first place. I know STBEH's family probably think I'm the bitch from hell and that makes me sad, because I really love them. They've always been good to us and welcomed me into the family with open arms.

I hope that people understand that I'm doing this because I know it's the right thing for me and the kids. I know he's been talking to them and telling him his side of the story and that they probably think I'm only being "stubborn", but as we all know, there are two sides to every story and mine is no exception. Although I say a lot on this blog, there's a lot more that doesn't get said purely from the point of avoiding hurt.

Reality is, I married someone who I loved with all my heart and I would've gone to the end of the earth for. I also know that he loved/s me dearly, but unfortunately love is not enough. As sad as it might be, I still know I'm doing the right thing.

Next step is for us both to sign the final settlement agreement that my lawyer is emailing through this morning. Once that is done, the summons will be sent out and once STBEH has signed that, then I'll have to wait for a court date and that's that.

So, on that note I go into the weekend. Looks like it's going to be sunny and mild all weekend.

Madge

Going to The Farm

2009-08-06T13:30:00.003+02:00

It's been a pretty quiet week really with not a lot happening apart from Tuesday's dramas and Miss Muffet being ill, so when The Fiery One invited me to stay with her on the Farm tonight since her husband is off in Namibia, I thought "Why Not?". So, I'm taking the kids along too and we're just going to have a chilled evening in.

Tomorrow I have the carpet cleaners coming in to try and do something about the state of the carpets in the bedrooms. It's been pretty mucky for months now and just one of those things you simply have to book and get done, but somehow never get round to the booking part...

This weekend is going to be a busy one as I'm going to be working at the Baba Indaba expo at the CTICC from Saturday through to Monday (for the readers abroad, Monday is a public holiday here in SA).

On Sunday night I'll be staying on The Farm again as The Fiery One has asked me to babysit her dogs for the night as they're going to a party and will be staying over. Her dogs are her babies, the two Pugs go by the names of Mugg and Bean (the local version of Starbucks for those abroad) and her Rhodesian Ridgeback puppy is called Mocha. There's a theme here in case you haven't noticed...

The beautiful Mocha.

Might stay with Mom on Saturday night as she's off to Jo'burg for 2 weeks to visit Grandma who's turning 91 - bless!

So, a busy weekend after a less-busy week. Sounds good to me!

Madge

An accident?

2009-08-05T12:58:00.002+02:00

Got this by email from the GEM (thanks!) and just had to quickly post it:

Honey!

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.

Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Sylvia Park and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.

The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.

I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife XX

PS: Your girlfriend phoned!

Tee-hee!

Madge

I finally saw Harry Potter

2009-08-05T10:40:00.003+02:00

Yes, I went last night after having threatened to go and watch the movie for ages! And I must say, I wasn't disappointed. For me, this is the darkest one yet and I would most definitely not classify it as a kiddies film anymore as it's pretty scary. There was one particular part (I won't say anything about it so as not to spoil it for those who haven't seen it) where I literally let out a yowl from the fright I got! My friend who went with me thought it was hillarious, but did admit to also getting a huge fright right then.

I have to agree with some reviews I've read, that the actors seem a bit stayed, but this was just in the beginning. I'm amazed at how pretty Emma Watson (Hermione Granger) has become. Not saying that she wasn't always pretty, it just seems that she's really evolving into being a very beautiful young woman:

I've also decided to re-read the series of books as it's such a wonderful fairy tale. I'm looking forward to my kids being old enough to read them and love them as much as I do.

Madge

It's NOT Swine Flu!

2009-08-04T16:33:00.002+02:00

And thank goodness for that!! After another very restless night with Miss Muffet crawling into my bed at whatever hour like a little glow-worm, the heat from her fever emanating from her little body, I took her to the GP.

What was rather concerning was when the GP's receptionist asked me the following questions:
"Does she have a fever?" - Yes
"Does she have a cough?" - Yes
"Does she have a sore throat?" - Well I don't know, she's only 2, so I don't think she'll get me if I asked...
At which point I was told that when I get to the surgery, to phone them from my car and not come in, because of Swine Flu!!! WHAAAAAAT???

So, we get there, I phone them and the receptionist comes out with surgical masks we have to wear before entering the surgery. Try keeping a surgical mask on a two-year old!!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the doctor soon diagnosed the tonsellitis, so all worries were put to rest. I must say, it does sound like a bit of an overreaction, however considering the fact that there have been several confirmed cases of the H1N1 strain of flu locally along with a handful of deaths (YES!), I'd rather they did it that way than not.

On another note, I had such an aggravating experience today while in the Cape Town CBD. I had a lunch-time meeting and as those who live in CT know, parking can be a bit of a disaster at times. So, lucky me, I spot a guy climbing into his car just in front of where I need to be.

It's a parallel parking spot, so I pull up behind the car, flick the indicators and wait patiently for the guy to drive off. He does this and I drive past the spot (still indicating) and start to reverse into the spot - as you do!

I'm doing my thing and this absolute arsehole proceeds to drive into the parking space from behind!! At this point I'm blowing on the horn of the car and flailing my arms around trying to show this idiot that I was trying to park there, but he merely shrugged his shoulders as if he couldn't be bothered. BIG mistake!

I slammed the car into 'P', get out and proceed to ask him where he 'bought' his drivers licence from, because I'm sure you don't get it by doing that kind of thing... He was totally non-plussed, which just pissed me off even more and I absolutely laid into him, much to the delight of the local shopkeepers and assistants.

The result: He pulled out of the space and drove off! And what a result it was!!

For me it was a mere matter of principal. If I hadn't indicated I might not have felt quite as strongly about it, but it was totally unacceptable.

On that note I'll leave you as I'm going to do dinner for the kids, bathtime, bedtime and then I'm off to finally go and see the latest Harry Potter film, which I'm looking forward to seeing.

Madge

When kids get ill

2009-08-03T08:24:00.002+02:00

It's always such a worry when your little ones get ill. Even last week when Prince Charming had his eye infections, which in essence is a minor thing, you still worry and fuss over them.

Well, yesterday it was Miss Muffet's turn. She was quite sleepy all day and although she had a good breakfast, she didn't want to eat much at all, which is very unlike her. By 18:15 she literally begged me to put her to bed, which I did and then around 21:00 she woke up coughing terribly and with a fever that was through the roof. Her whole little body was glowing.

So, after administering the necessary medications, she seemed to settle down, but shortly after, she called me in a total state as she'd vomited. She was more upset at the fact that she'd made a mess than anything else. So, into the bath to wash her off and wash her hair that was kinda covered in the stuff and managed to break the fever too.

It's at this point when every mother would ask the question whether or not to take the kid to see a doctor. Thing is that she's still too small to tell me whether she's hurting anywhere or has stiff muscles, so you can imagine how my mind is running away with me, especially in the light of the fact that the dreaded Swine Flu virus is well and truly here with several confirmed cases locally!

Anyway, after a quick phone call to my Mom for reassurance, I decided to let her sleep in my bed for the night (a very risky thing to do considering she's been puking...) and she was fine. This morning she had a slight fever again, so I've decided to keep her home, but she still doesn't want to eat, so I'll just keep an eye on her. Fortunately I don't have any meetings out today, so I can just nurse her and give her lots of cuddles.

You might have noticed throughout all of this, the obvious absence of STBEH? Well, he was around, however had gone to bed. When I went into his room to get to the en-suite for MM's towel and the kiddies shampoo, he asked what was up, so I told him and he must've been able to tell I was upset and concerned. So, he offered to help me, but I was coping fine. "Well, that's OK then", you might be saying, but somehow it just grates me a bit that he didn't even go to the trouble to just get up and check on his little girl just to give her a cuddle and kiss. And this from the man who continues to give me little handwritten notes begging me not to break up the family, telling me how he doesn't want to be a part-time dad and that his kids are his everything?!

The same dad who recently threatened suicide, but when I asked him whether his kids weren't enough reason to keep going, the answer was a definite "NO"? Maybe I'm just expecting way too much? I ask you...

Madge

Girls night in!

2009-08-01T09:39:00.002+02:00

That was last night's fun and shenanigans. Miss Muffet and I had the whole house to ourselves since STBEH went out - yes, AGAIN. I'm really pleased that he's finally doing something about his social life, not only because it gives me some space, but also because I know how good it will be for his own emotional state.

However, since he was out and Prince Charming was visiting The Fiery One on The Farm, it was just us girlies. After a neighbor visited, I had a few glasses of vino and ordered in some pizza. We had the music on loud, were jumping on the bed and had a rather splashy bath together.

I just can't wait for the three of us to be on our own again, so we can have some fun and laughter again. It was like that whenever STBEH used to go back to the UK. For some reason we could just never be silly like that when he's around.

Anyway, we're going out in a minute to capitalize on the sunshine, then MM is going to visit Ouma for the evening and PC gets home a little later, so then we'll be able to have some quality time together. It's actually quite a good thing to have some personal time with each kid on their own without the other sibling also vying for attention, so all good!

Madge x

Feeling strangely fine

2009-07-31T08:47:00.002+02:00

I don't know why, but despite the dark and rainy weather today, I'm feeling somewhat euphoric today. I didn't have a particularly good night's sleep, but after dropping Miss Muffet off at school this morning I just suddenly felt really good. Maybe that's a sign of things to come today?!

Looking at the heading to this post, I was reminded of the band Semisonic and their album entitled 'Feeling Strangely Fine' and came across this video done to one of my favorite tracks on the album, 'Secret Smile'. Love it!

Yesterday when I got home I noticed that Prince Charming had a 'bloodshot' eye and a little while later saw that it was indeed infected, so I've kept him home from school as pink-eye is highly infectious and somehow I don't think his teacher or the other moms from school will appreciate it if he passed it on to their little sh.. darlings...

He's very excited because he's going to spend the night with The Fiery One on The Farm and she's taking him horse riding tomorrow morning at a neighboring farm where they have the most beautiful Arabian horses. I'm just hoping that the weather allows it, but looking at the forecast it should be sunny again for the weekend. Yay!

This weekend is fairly busy for me too. I'm going to get to spend some quality time with Miss Muffet tonight and tomorrow morning, then she's going to stay with my Mom tomorrow night as I have a christening to go to on Sunday morning and simply won't be able to get her to sit still in a church and then going with Mom to some friends for a lunch time braai, which should be fun.

Other than that I'm toying with the idea of going to the Mad Hatters Tea Party tonight at the Old Biscuit Mill. I can take Miss Muffet along as it shouldn't be late (especially if I go early), but I'm going to see if I can rally a friend or two as I don't want to go on my own.

And that is my plan. Have to try and cut PC's mop before he goes to The Farm too.

Cheers!

Madge

Thursday already?!

2009-07-30T08:48:00.003+02:00

Wow! For some reason this week has really raced by. I suppose I've been fairly busy and that helps. The cold wintery weather is back though, but I'm hoping not for long. I must say, this winter hasn't been too bad overall. It seems as if it has been a lot drier than last year and although it has been freezing cold at times, there have been some corkers in between, which makes a difference to the overall winter feel.

I'm in a much better place today compared to yesterday, mainly because I had a bit of time in the house without STBEH here. He went out last night, which is good. Not only does it give me some time to be chilled in the house with the kids, but also for him to get out, socialise and unwind, which I'm positive he needs too.

Got this joke from The Writer recently and thought I'd share it:

A father puts his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa."

The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"

The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."

The next day grandpa died.

The father thought it was a strange coincidence.

A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like this:

"God bless Mommy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."

The next day the grandmother died.

Oh my god, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.

Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say,

"God bless Mommy and good-bye daddy."

He practically went into shock.

He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office.

He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day
he stayed there, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound.

Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.

When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's the matter?"

He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of my life."

She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened HERE."

He asked "What"??????

She said "This morning your best friend James suddenly died."

Enjoy your Phuza Thursday peeps!

Madge

Worn out

2009-07-29T08:46:00.003+02:00

Yes, I am. After yet another onslaught last night from STBEH, I'm just feeling that numbness again. I honestly don't know what to say anymore to get my message across. It just seems pointless to say anything at all, so I let him say his thing and cry/shout or whatever it is that he wants to do and sit there and stare into the distance.

It's been almost four months since I told him that I wanted the divorce and not once in this time have I given him any reason to believe that I've changed my mind, yet he still believes that he stands a chance of winning me back even with all of his contradictory behaviour throughout this time.

I just don't know anymore. Furthermore it turns out he's been snooping through my stuff, which just pissed me off. Now, just because he found lyrics I'd written about finding love again, I'm apparently seeing someone... Aaaaargh! The PAIN!!

Thing is that I've met a couple of people who I'd like to date and have asked me out, but I simply can't do anything until STBEH has signed the dotted line, because I know for sure that he will inevitably involve anyone into the situation and obviously don't think it's fair on these people, so in the meantime I just have to sit tight. Hell, I've waited this long, what harm will a few more weeks do, eh?

As I tried to explain to him, I'm looking to my future. I'm thinking about the house I want to live in and how I want to decorate it, I'm hoping to find love again and that someone special is out there waiting for me.

Fortunately for me I know that I'm capable of finding my own happiness. I don't need someone else to provide it to me and I sure as hell don't need anyone to take it away from me, nor will I allow it!

Madge

Meetings, meetings

2009-07-28T09:06:00.002+02:00

All day long. Breakfast meeting, lunch meeting and afternoon tea meeting, so I thought I'd quickly come and say hi! My cold is much better today, so I can deal with life again. No more movement with regards to matters at home, so I'll just hang in there, patiently.

So, I'm afraid, since that is all I have to say today, I'll leave you with a funny:

A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers.
As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
"Are you the manager?" she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
"Actually, no," he replied.
"Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him," she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
"I'm afraid I can't," breathed the bartender. "Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, I need you to give him a message," she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
"What should I tell him?" the bartender managed to say.
"Tell him," she whispered, "there's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room."

Oh how we laugh!!

Madge x

Sniff-sniff

2009-07-27T12:10:00.002+02:00

After spending most of the day in bed yesterday, I'm feeling a fair bit better today, although still not quite on form. Fortunately it's just a silly head-cold which will pass in time. I'm even giving the gym a skip, which is probably the right thing to do.

This week is yet another busy one with lots happening and hopefully finalisation on the settlement matter. It would seem that we're 95% there, but the last sticking point is with regards to the actual maintenance, which STBEH had previously agreed to and now it seems he wants to pay less. The thing is that he's trying to spite me, but in turn he's affecting his children.

My maintenance request is EXTREMELY fair and can merely cover some of the children's expenses. Anyway, I've conceded on some of the points, but I'm afraid that there are certain things that I simply cannot let go. The reality is that the combined monthly maintenance figure for both of the kids is less than half of what he used to pay for his daughter from his first marriage 4 years ago!

Ok, I know that we lived in the UK then and that things are more expensive there, but only to an extent. Things cost what they cost and I just don't understand that he doesn't want to commit to his fair share of the kids' expenses.

Anyway, I'm hoping that this little rant will be irrelevant when I hear back from the lawyer and that he's realised that I'm merely being fair.

Well, I hope you all have a great week.

Madge

A great weekend, but now I'm ill

2009-07-26T17:46:00.002+02:00

Which is probably better than getting that dreaded sore throat around Wednesday which ultimately means that you'll be at your worst by Saturday and your weekend is a non-event. It was my weekend off again with regards to the kids, so I went to stay with Mom on Friday just to get away.

On Saturday morning I did a fantastic publishing seminar hosted by New Voices Publishing and Perform! Marketing. I have to say it was an excellent morning and it has really helped me a lot with regards to knowing what to expect from the whole publishing process, the costs, timelines and expectations I should and shouldn't have.

In the afternoon I went to a braai/housewarming party of a friend and had a ball. I knew about 4 people there and enjoyed meeting some new folks who were all really nice and fun. Had a bit of a glitch later on when I turned a bend and hit a MASSIVE rock that was obviously put there by some stupid kids and burst my tyre. Fortunately it was just around the corner from my friends' house and I had a couple of people in the car with me, so a couple of the guys managed to sort it out for me - THANKS! However, to the little shits who put the rock there all I have to say is 'Karma'!

Today, however I've been feeling rather crap and before anyone says 'hangover', I can assure you it's not. I just wasn't in one of those drinking moods last night. Instead I definitely have a cold and am feeling a little sorry for myself, so have been in bed for most of the day and STBEH even made me a cup of green tea this afternoon. Funny thing is we've actually had a semi-kind of conversation today, although when I told him I was feeling crap and had a cold, he was questioning whether I was merely hung over instead and then when he asked me about what had happened to the car and I told him, I got a sideways look. At the end of the day I have no reason to lie to him, so he just needs to think what he wants, it makes absolutely no difference to me whatsoever.

This week should be good, I'm sure and I'm looking forward to what it holds in store. I hope your weekends and weeks ahead are great too.

Madge

Brrrrrrrrr...

2009-07-23T09:17:00.003+02:00

After the glorious summer-like days of last weekend, the cold has returned again and as I'm sitting here eating my Greek yoghurt with honey, I know I'm typing away, but can't really feel my fingertips...

Firstly, apologies for not writing yesterday, but I was not in a very good place. I was busy in the morning with meetings and then at lunchtime I took Prince Charming to see a counselor and this just really upset me.

As it turns out, she really put my mind at ease with regards to how I'm handling all of this and said that I was doing the right thing. Yes, his little 'accidents' are a definite sign of stress, but she felt that it wasn't serious enough to end up having a whole lot of sessions with someone at this stage, however things might get worse when we eventually move out of the house and go our separate ways and we simply need to keep our eye on the situation. So, this morning I had a brief chat to his teacher at school to also let me know if she sees any changes in him.

What upset me though, was that the poor kids actually have to go through this. My parents got divorced when I was 8 and I went through a whole phase of denial. Fortunately my kids are much younger and will adapt quickly, but what frustrates me is the fact that they're just too small to even explain it to. PC doesn't even understand the concept of marriage, let alone divorce. Anyway, as the lady said, I'm dealing with it in the best way possible, so I just need to stick with it and the damage should be minimal.

I had a little surprise in the post this morning sent in by my bestest friend in London, the Project Manager. He told me that he'd sent me something and I've been waiting patiently for the SA postal service to deliver it and lo and behold, this morning when I checked the box, there it was!

It's the latest Freemasons album "Shakedown 2". I've already listened to a few tracks on disc 2 and it's seriously HOT! It takes me back to the days when we used to party hard at Fabric on the famous DTPM Sundays or going to Fire under Vauxhall Station where we used to loooove the DIRTY music (said in a very low and raspy voice and referring to the deep base sounds that you feel thumping in your heart - you know what I mean...)! Not to forget the evenings spent at The Cross in Kings Cross (which has since closed) and Salvation, Later and not to forget Orange!

Those in the know would recognise all of these club nights as the gay nights out and in my opinion they were the best out there! For any girl it's the best place to go to avoid being hassled by some idiot who's drunk and simply wants to jump you. The guys who chat to you are doing so, because they want to and not because of any other alterior motives they may have. Boy, how I miss those days!!

Thanks PM for bringing back the memories xxx

Madge

From L to L

2009-07-21T08:10:00.002+02:00

It is indeed a sad state of affairs the day you realise that the person you once loved so dearly, doted over and would undoubtedly give your life for, has let you down so much that you can hardly even look at them without feeling an immense sense of contempt.

Until fairly recently I still often had emotions of sadness for the pain he was experiencing. I genuinely felt sorry for having to put him through the ordeal of getting divorced as I knew he didn't want it, but I also knew that I simply HAD to.

However, recently I've been realising more and more that I would've been the biggest fool to myself and my kids if I hadn't made this decision.

Today I am convinced that the REAL reason why STBEH doesn't want to get divorced isn't because he loves me soooooo much or because he doesn't want to break up the family. The underlying reason for his desperate behaviour stems simply from him not wanting to give up his lifestyle.

He's got the big house on a golf estate, he's got the attractive wife on his arm and caters to his every whim, the two beautiful kids who charm everyone. Soon, most of it will no longer be his and THIS is what hurts him most. This is the reason why he's been so determined to fight for everything - not because he loves me so much and thinks I'm the best thing since sliced bread or because he doesn't want to break up the family.

Isn't it a sad state of affairs when you look at someone who you once loved and now realise that all you feel for them starts with another l.......

Madge

This is going to be a GOOD week!

2009-07-20T08:24:00.002+02:00

Yes, I know it! And the one who tries to stuff it up for me has got another thing coming, because I'm going to make sure that things start turning up for me now.

I had the most amazing weekend and how could you not with temperatures reaching 24 degrees in the middle of winter?!

I took the kids to the beach on Saturday afternoon as well as Sunday morning after spending a lovely evening with my Mom. I simply couldn't believe that we were having such amazing weather in the heart of winter and realised yet again how blessed we are to live in the wonderful city of Cape Town.

For the locals, I can highly recommend a visit to Big Bay (near Blouberg Strand) where there is a stunning new development with restaurants and some shops. The views of Table Mountain and the ocean are wonderful and there are huge lawns where the kids can play safely while you sip at a cocktail.

I must say, if it wasn't for a prior lunch arrangement, I'd definitely have stayed for the day as it was just absolutely perfect!

Before the only real place to have drinks would be at the famous Blue Peter Hotel, which I noticed was being revamped. It desperately needed some tlc, so I was glad to see that the owners were finally doing something there and considering this new development, they have now got some serious competition - which isn't always a bad thing.

I hope your weekends were as good as mine.

Madge

I have to wait until Monday now

2009-07-17T14:32:00.003+02:00

This is definitely a game STBEH is playing just to tire me out and obviously he just loves the atmosphere and the stress he's putting the kids and I through, because I've just heard from my lawyer that apparently he needs to think about things and his lawyer will revert back on Monday with his final decision.

WTF?!?!

I'm just wondering what there is to think about? Honestly, if this isn't a pathetic way of playing games, then what is? In the meantime he's putting the kids through all of the stress of living in a house where there's this terrible atmosphere merely because he can't accept it's over and prefers to f*ck about.

Well, at least I now know I'll just have to sit tight for a few more days, but when it's over, it's over and it'll be worth it.

Someone asked me the other day that if I knew what I know now, whether I would still have started it all and my answer: "Beyond a shadow of a doubt, in fact, I would've done it sooner!"

Thank goodness I'm a patient person

2009-07-17T09:26:00.002+02:00

Or else I'd be bald by now from pulling my hair out!

Needless to say, I'm still awaiting news from my lawyer, which leads me to think that either STBEH has signed the docs and it's merely taking time as the originals have to be sent as opposed to the usual email/fax OR they're still continuing with the silly-buggers charade of "Let's just keep her waiting a bit longer".

Obviously, I'm hoping for the signed docs bit, but to be honest, either way isn't a big deal. I'll either find out that this whole ordeal is almost over or that I'll have to fight this out in court at which point all offers are off the table yet again and I'll be quite happy for a judge to give a fair ruling, which might even mean I'll be even better off.

Anyway, hopefully I'll have some news either way by the end of the day so I can at least go into the weekend with an idea of what's going to be happening over the next few weeks.

I visited the GEM (Golf Estate Mommy) with the kids on Wednesday night and had such a lovely time. We were chatting, gossiping, drinking wine and eating chocolates late into the night and I got to just chillax for a few hours.

Also met TRG for a coffee as well as a good meeting with the Book Lady for even more hair raising stories on her life.

Anyway, it's my weekend with the kids and I have to work out what I'll be doing with them. Hopefully if the sun keeps shining like it is today, I might take them to the beach for a little play, which I'm sure they'll love.

Wishing you all a good weekend.

Madge

I just wanted to get divorced

2009-07-15T10:02:00.003+02:00

That's all! I'm sorry if it's hurting STBEH, but this is life. All along I've tried to be nice, tried to do this in an amicable way. For some apparent reason though, he doesn't want to do it that way. He prefers to try and f*ck me over where he can and I am constantly on edge, waiting for the next onslaught from whichever direction it might be coming.

I know it's not nice having to get divorced and it must be hard to accept, considering that he wasn't the one who made the decision in the first place, but why do things to try and hurt me? I think it's only fair to say that I've been hurt enough through his lack of attention, emotion and care (amongst others), but to now go about things the way he has been doing for the past three months?

I was chatting to Mom on the phone this morning and she was saying how empty one feels once the divorce is finally declared in court, but her situation was so different. She still loved my Dad (God knows why) and was very sad that she'd wasted 23 years of her life on a loveless marriage to a serial philanderer. Though I'll agree that my situation is sad, I'm definitely no longer sad about splitting up because STBEH has proven to me throughout these last few months that I was right in making this decision.

So, while I'm still waiting anxiously to hear back from my lawyer with regards to his decision, I can only imagine what the next thing will be. Actually, that's a lie, I can't really imagine it, because I've been so shocked at the things that have been said and done that I honestly cannot think what he's capable of doing next.

I sit... and wait...

Madge

My 100th Post!

2009-07-14T13:02:00.002+02:00

Wow, time sure flies! I can't exactly say "when you're having fun", but I can't believe that I've already clocked 100 posts on TITL.

I don't want this milestone post to be negative or miserable or even bitchy. What I'd like to say to those of you (most of whom I don't even know) is that I really appreciate your support. Many of you have commented and I hope that those of you who are in similar situations have gained something out of my personal ramblings, even if it was just the odd chuckle.

To all of my friends who read TITL, thanks for understanding where I am, what I'm dealing with and supporting me accordingly. The day I started this 'Online Diary' of mine, I never thought that I would be getting this much out of it on an emotional level and I certainly didn't imagine having so many readers - according to Analytics we're looking at around 200 a day.

I've had A LOT of stick about it too, but it's all been worth it.

I've also been thinking that once this whole divorce lark is over and I'm in my own home, once the house EVENTUALLY sells, I will probably not be writing much more, but will come on now and again to let you know how all is going, however, this is still a few months off.

Madge

Taken things too far!

2009-07-13T12:12:00.003+02:00

As I sit here right now I'm absolutely livid. I'm shaking so much from pure anger. I honestly don't know what's going on in STBEH's head. He's been on at me for the last 24 hours about reconsidering 'before it's too late', but then he does things that totally conflict with this.

I've had the whole spieel of promises that he'll change and make an effort and try to make this work. He's been back from London for three months and hasn't done anything to this effect consistently. He also said that he never knew that I was thinking about getting a divorce. So, when I said it in as many words, he still didn't know and when I returned a couple of days later asking him whether he'd made up his mind, he still didn't know. Bull Shit!

On top of it all, he's trying to put me on a guilt trip by threatening suicide. That is very much below the belt if you ask me. Mind you, the way I feel right now, I'll go to the pharmacy myself to pick up a container full of sleeping tablets and let him do us all a favor. I know that sounds horrible, but I'm honestly at my wits end right now. I'm so frazzled and totally beside myself. I really don't know what this man is capable of. What next???

Anyway, I think we finally might be getting somewhere as I know he went to his lawyer this morning. Please, please, please just hope or pray or do whatever it is you do that he has finally signed the settlement proposal so that I can push this forward once and for all and get this destructive person out of my life.

Madge

Fun and emotions

2009-07-12T10:33:00.003+02:00

Let's start with the fun bit and yesterday's amazing time at the Bastille Festival in Franschhoek. Mom and I drove through for the day and though initially we were somewhat apprehensive at the potential weather conditions, it actually turned out to be a stunning day with rain only descending on us once we were in the car and driving back home.

We had a fabulous breakfast and enjoyed the stalls selling all kinds of things from A-ntiques to Z-ebra skins. Then at mid day as the main food and wine marquee opened up, we made sure to grab ourselves some chairs in a good spot and with our stomachs nicely lined, started the wine tasting in all earnest.

To me, the wine that stands out most of all was the stunning Rose from Vrede en Lust. Made from Pinotage and Shiraz grapes, it was a beautifully fruity wine with flavours of watermelon and strawberries.

We also ended up drinking a couple of bottles of the Pierre Jourdan Belle Rose bubbly. Yum, yum, yum...

Pierre Jourdan - Cuvee Belle Rose

Anyway, I'm feeling a little down today and although I'm willing to accept that I might be slightly hung over, though I feel ok having drunk a ton of water before going to bed.

I think the reality is that I NEVER imagined that this divorce process would be as emotionally draining and frustrating as it has been. I'm not saying that I would've done anything differently, but it's certainly been one of the hardest things I've had to do. It hasn't always been easy to stay strong and I've had times when I've really struggled emotionally.

So, I'm a little bit tearful this morning, just wondering when this whole ordeal will finally come to an end so I can start to get on with my new life as a single mother and deal with all of the challenges that may hold.

Madge

I'm worried about Prince Charming

2009-07-10T16:53:00.003+02:00

I stayed over at my Mom's place last night to help her in and around the house with a few things, such as painting, a spot of DIY, etc. Not only was it a good break for me, but also nice to have some quality time with her without the kids. There was no way I could take the kids if I was going to be painting, so left them at home with STBEH and knew they'd be fine as the nanny was home too during the day, although I don't think STBEH was too happy about it.

Anyway, came back this afternoon to the most frosty reception. He's so angry he can't even look at me and even the guard at the gate asked me why he was so angry as he was apparently rude to him too?!?!

The only reason I can think of for this latest bout of anger is my response to his pathetic payout counter-offer in which my lawyer copied the deeds for the house, which clearly state that I own 50% of the property.

I told my Mom about the situation at home and the severity of the atmosphere here and she was very upset. For me, I'm merely dealing with it as I have no other choice, however my main concern at this stage is Prince Charming. He's been fully potty trained for two years now, however over the last 2-3 weeks he's had numerous little 'accidents'. These accidents aren't happening at night, they're actually happening while he's playing in the day while he's totally aware of what's going on.

So, I phoned a 'specialist' to discuss this and from what she said (obviously without having a proper consultation with PC), it might be due to the stress and tension at home. I was so very deeply upset about this as it is the exact opposite of what I have been trying to achieve whilst having no other option but to live under one roof.

The poor boy doesn't realise what's going on around him. He doesn't even understand the concept of marriage, let alone divorce and though I often reassure him how much we love him, the reality is that it seems the atmosphere must be getting to him.

I'm going to try and make an appointment for him to see a childrens counselor so that we can try and deal with this a.s.a.p. before it becomes worse. Sad thing is that he probably doesn't even realise himself why these 'accidents' are happening.

Now I go into yet another weekend with this shitty atmosphere and, who knows, perhaps even a blow-up, because looking at him stomp around the house, I just don't know what I can expect! I just want it all to be over now!

Wish me luck

Madge

Blah...

2009-07-08T11:53:00.002+02:00

Yes, it's another blah day for me. Although I'm fairly busy today I'm just in one of those funny moods. Apart from the fact that it seems I have got 'writer's block', I suppose there's not that much to say.

I won't be online tomorrow and most of Friday, so you won't be hearing from me and therefore thought I should at least give you a little something today.

I'm really looking forward to going to the annual Bastille Day celebrations in Franschhoek on Saturday. This will be the third year running that a group of us are going and it always turns out to be such a laugh with the bubbly flowing. Let's hope the weather plays along, but hey, if it doesn't, I'm sure we'll still have a ball.

Anyway, I'm afraid I don't have much else to report, so will leave you with this funny from The Fiery One:
Madge

Busy, busy, busy

2009-07-07T13:53:00.002+02:00

So, with work on my plate along with kids who are still on holiday and dealing with the divorce, I'm also doing my best to keep friendships going, get to the gym as often as possible and keep the family happy.

This is quite a busy week for all of the above and I must say I'm grateful for it. The busier I am, the better as it keeps my mind off things and doesn't allow me to ponder and get too down or overwhelmed.

I've thrown myself into working out at the gym and it's definitely paying off. Not only am I more toned than I've been in years, it's also great for my mind and I just feel so much better. I've also managed to recruit my mom and another girlfriend who's getting divorced to join. With the amazing offer through Discovery Vitality where you only pay the once off R850 and no further monthly subs, one can simply not say no!!

I know the Planet Fitness I go to also have an amazing 'Credit Crunch Offer' where you only pay R59/month for a year contract! This is a really great deal, so if you feel like you need to stay in shape this winter or just want to warm your flab up a bit, then I'd definitely check it out.

Anyway, got this corker from The Fiery One and had to share it with you all:

A Happy Marriage

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple".

The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man.

"We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by
horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.

I shouted at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you *+%$**£ crazy!?" She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."

And from that moment..... " we have lived happily ever after."

Tee-heee!

And on that note I hope you all have a great day!

Madge

Rocky Horror fun

2009-07-06T12:29:00.003+02:00

Yesterday I joined some friends to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show at the Barnyard Theatre in Willowbridge and I must say, we had so much fun! The actor who played Frank 'n Furter was excellent...

Magenta and Columbia were pretty good too and Rocky himself had the most amazing body! I always say that one can never date such a good looking guy, because I have this idea that someone like that will always love themselves much more than they'll ever love you.

Hope you all have a good week!

Madge

It's a sunshine Sunday

2009-07-05T10:44:00.002+02:00

Well good morning ya'll although I must say I'm not in the cheeriest of moods after 2 nights of very little sleep. I took the kids to stay at my mom's place for the weekend simply to get away from the atmosphere at home not only for myself but for the kids too - the atmosphere can't be good for them.

Anyway, simply couldn't sleep on Friday night clocking only three hours. I had a nice day though, popped to the gym, went to Builders Warehouse with mom to buy some paint (I offered to paint her inside walls for her as they desperately need it), visited a friend I hadn't seen in a while and went to visit another friend's daughter who is in a clinic.

Last night, however Miss Muffet kept having bad dreams and woke me up a number of times, so not ideal. You reach a stage where you just get grumpy from lack of sleep. Overall though it was a nice break and I got to spend some quality time with my mom too. It was quite obvious though how my stomach tightened up as I was getting closer to home this morning.

Going out to see the Rocky Horror Picture Show this afternoon and really looking forward to it. I'm sure I'll snap out of my mood for that.

Anyway, also been catching up on the comments you guys have been leaving over the weekend and firstly, thanks for your opinions. Secondly, I'd just like to take the opportunity to remind you all that no one is forcing you to read this. I'm using this tool as my personal emotional outlet and as a place where I can vent my anger and frustrations. My friends know they can come and read this to know where I am emotionally and what I'm experiencing without me having to relay the latest detail to them one by one, over and over again.

If you don't like it then please don't torture yourself to read it. The fact that people are spreading the news about this blog because they feel it's entertaining, or can gain some personal strength in knowing that they're in a similar situation, but are not alone is something that I never anticipated and don't have a problem with. I'm not doing this to 'get a pat on the back'. I don't need a pat on the back, although I'm not saying that I don't find it supportive.

On the flip side, as I said before, there are always negative people around, who are out to put others down at every turn. People who can't do anything positive for themselves and can't stand seeing other people deal with life in a way that works for them. Fortunately I don't let these kinds of people get to me because they're simply not worth it. I'm a bigger and better person for it.

Anyway, I hope that you enjoy the rest of your weekends.

Madge

A letter

2009-07-03T09:18:00.002+02:00

Dear husband,

We've been together for seven years and there have been many good times. I remember meeting you that Sunday afternoon in Covent Garden. You made me blush within minutes of meeting me and we chatted all afternoon. I had a lovely sms from you the next morning and soon after we started dating.

I remember the time I flew back from New York and, although it was late already, I drove straight to your place. You opened a bottle of champagne and we stood on the terrace. Soon after, I moved in with you. Gave all of my furniture to your sister and it was the beginning of the rest of our lives together.

You had a major trust issue given what had happened in your past and I made it my mission to prove to you that you could indeed trust me. I refused to marry you until you were sure that you trusted me 110%.

Two years later we were married in the most beautiful ceremony on a stunning wine farm in Stellenbosch. Family and friends from the UK joined us on this occasion and it was one of the happiest days of my life.

I married a man who made me laugh and made me feel whole and appreciated, who my family and other people liked and a man who had pride. No one ever noticed the vast age difference between us, least of all did we.

Five months later I found out that I was pregnant. I think you were shocked at first, but came round soon enough. You started smoking, but promised to stop once the baby was born. That baby is now four years old - you're still smoking after several such promises...

Times were always tough financially due to you working freelance. My salary would merely cover the basics and on a few occasions I even paid the maintenance due to your ex wife to keep the wolves at bay and took out loans in my name as your credit rating was shot. I never held any of this against you. I did it with love and never gave you a hard time about this and whenever you became depressed I always supported you rather than argue. I supported you 100%! I worked until the day our son was born and started working 4 weeks after his birth - I had to.

I've also had my time of being depressed, I suffered with post-natal depression when our son was born and was in a very bad place. You supported me through this and I was grateful for it.

Then we decided to move to South Africa, to have a better life. If we sold our property in London, we'd be able to afford a large place in a secure environment where we could raise our children in the sun. We wouldn't need as much money to survive and would have a much better quality of life.

Shortly before moving, I fell pregnant again with our little girl. I came over first as you had a great contract and it was better for you to stay behind to finalise matters at the UK end, while I house hunted here and set things up for our new life together.

I went out of my way to set up a good home for you and the kids, to make sure that everything was perfect. I didn't have any friends here, but made an effort to meet people and when I found that I connected with someone, I endeavored to contact them and build friendships.

You tried hard to get work here, but it has been very difficult - it still is. You had to go back to London for months at a time to earn money to take care of us as I was pregnant and couldn't get a job at the time. It was hard for you and for us to not have you around, but you did what you could. You became inward looking and selfish and you no longer made me laugh. It wasn't about 'us' anymore, but you.

I know you loved me, but as time went by the affection faded and became almost non-existent. On several occasions I asked you for some love and romance. Whenever I asked you for a cuddle, you'd merely lift your arm and I'd have to sidle closer upon which you's simply drape your arm down on my shoulder. This was your idea of a cuddle. I'd ask for some romance - it doesn't cost a thing, but it never came my way.

You never arranged anything. Slowly, as time went by it was all down to me to organise the household, take care of the kids, pay the bills, go to work full time and ensure we have a social life. I even ended up trying to make friends for you as you had still not made any of your own friends, but you weren't interested.

I tried to tell you that I was unhappy, that I wanted you to make an effort - many times. You heard me, but you never listened. You would make an effort for a week or two and then soon slipped back into your complacent way, accepting that I would just carry on.

Even your lovemaking was selfish. When I suggested that you gave me a massage to 'get me in the mood' you were all positive and excited that it was such a simple thing to do, yet the massages never happened. All through this I never turned you down even when there was nothing in it for me and on several occasions I would have tears running down my cheeks while you were having your way. You never even noticed.

So complacent were you that when I gave you the option to see a marriage counsellor or get a divorce your reply was: "I'm not seeing a marriage counsellor, it's not worth it". Could you still not see how fed-up I was?? Is this what my marriage had come to? I realised then that I deserved more.

I was a loyal wife who adored you. I would've gone to the end of the earth for you, but apparently I was not worth trying for. My love for you began to wane and when you came up with the suggestion of a Female Led Relationship after Googling the web, I was flummoxed. This was your idea of saving our marriage? I want a man to be my partner and equal. I was already in charge of EVERYTHING. Could you not see that this was exactly what I DIDN'T want? Again, it was about what you wanted.

So, you went to work in London again and I had the necessary head space to realise that our marriage was over and that I would indeed be better off on my own. The kids were happier because daddy wasn't hanging around shouting and being grumpy and I was much more relaxed and happier too. My mind was made up.

It has been a painful process for me. I've been angry and sad, but I've made my peace with the situation. Now I simply want to move on. I don't want to be nasty to you, you don't deserve it and neither do I. I just want you to realise and accept that the fairy tale has come to an end. I don't know whether I'll love someone like I loved you again. I must admit, I'll go into any relationship being very guarded about my emotions. In fact, I can't really imagine having a relationship at this point or in the near future. Right now my concern is about taking care of the kids and ensuring that they are happy and have a smooth transition.

My wish for you is that you will learn from this experience. This is not the first time you've gone through a divorce and your previous marriage ended for similar reasons. You're a good man and you have a lot to give, I know you do. You never smacked me about, you aren't a big drinker and don't filander about, but you have to make these changes for yourself, so you can end up being a happier person in yourself.

I will always love you for who you are.

M

The neighbors on Wisteria Lane

2009-07-02T09:34:00.002+02:00

How could I possibly ignore the request from one of my readers (see comment on post below) to share the intrigue and dramas from Wisteria Lane. This reader impressed me immensely by correctly guessing that a certain neighbor was involved in the other comments from the previous post. Hats off!!

Anyway, I've enjoyed living here. It's great for the kids, who come and go through unlocked front doors and play in the streets on their bikes all day long - just the way we used to do back in the day.

There's an interesting mix of people who live here though, from retired doctors to professionals, the gay dentist and lovely lesbian couple, ex Springbok and single mom with all her kids, along with the quiet black family and then the people who just make you ask: "How the hell did you ever get here?" Wisteria Lane sure has it all.

With it being a small estate, everyone knows everyone and though this can be nice, it can also be a real pain in the arse, especially when everyone also knows your business. Any gossip travels like wild fire and with that always comes the little tail added at the end.

Overall this is a very peaceful little community. Fortunately there's few people who I don't get on with or dislike and I know the feeling is mutual. There are, of course, one or two couples who just get EVERYONE's backs up and as you might guess, a certain neighbor falls smack bang into that category, which merely makes it all the more laughable - and boy have we been laughing!

I must admit I'll really miss living here once the house sells. Apart from it being a great home, the people (well, most of them) are great and the kids love being able to play outside with the other children all day long, but I know that I will be happy wherever I may go, because it is one's attitude that matters at the end of the day. Believe you'll be happy and that is indeed how it will be.

Should I move to another complex from here, there will no doubt be another arsehole to deal with, but the best way of dealing with these types of people are to avoid them altogether. It's like any office setup, there's always some fishwife or nob who goes out of their way to make the other employees' lives difficult.

I'll never forget what one of the housewives always used to say: "Complex living is complex".

Madge

The caring husband

2009-07-01T09:03:00.002+02:00

I've been thinking a lot about the pathetic counter-offer made by STBEH and his shark lawyer. The reason why I think this lawyer is a shark is because he's obviously not representing STBEH very well due and through his ill-advice. He's merely pocketing the cash that STBEH seems to be so willing to part with.

Anyway, what astounds me is that this man was so upset over the weekend when I told him, yet again, that it was obvious that he wasn't ever going to change to become the caring and loving person that I want in my life and now he's even confirmed this on paper.

The fact that he merely wants to give me a payout that is a measly third of what I should rightly receive is what astounds me most of all. This is a man who wants to ensure the wellbeing of his children?? I beg your pardon??

Furthermore from the man who my family BEG me not to leave Miss Muffet alone with overnight because he hasn't bonded with her and they feel he doesn't give her the love, care and attention that a 2-year old requires. Now, I don't think he's that incapable of looking after her, but they have a point to an extent. He's just not interested.

Yet again, it's been proven that everything in his life revolves around him. As long as he's ok, then f*ck the rest. You'll go a long way!

Madge

I'm married to a joke!

2009-06-30T13:14:00.002+02:00

Well, I've finally had a response from STBEH's lawyer with regards to my settlement proposal. It would seem that they agree with most points, except with the house. Apparently 'he' owns the house and will merely pay me a comical figure upon finalisation of the divorce, at which date the children and I need to move out and he will stay in the house.

I have to say, I laughed out loud when I read the letter, because the reality is that we own the house 50/50 and are married in community of goods, so whether he likes it or not, I get 50%! I really don't know what his lawyer is on to even make this suggestion. We all know how it works and for STBEH to even THINK I'll accept it?! What an idiot!!! Just a little bit more respect down the drain - and to be honest there's not a lot left...

This just proves to me that the REAL reason for STBEH not wanting to get divorced is because of his concern for his personal financial situation. He doesn't give a stuff for me or the kids (even if we end up with EXACTLY the same). He actually expects me and the kids to find a home with his measly payout offer! Shove it sideways up your arse (I'm sure you'll love it) and I'll be seeing you in court!

Did I mention I've lost even more respect for him?

Madge